v a c a t i o n

Well...it's a chilly day in Florida and my GF and I are trying to brave the elements. After an exhausting quarter and a lot of hard work, we decided to take a week off, get out of town and do NOTHING. How excited am I? ....you have no idea. I had a shitty critique...that is life...saw am amazing Lucinda Williams concert and got the hell out of dodge. The COOLEST part is that we can watch the dogs on the WAG A LOT webcam. We usually find Red sitting on the bench (when it is there), Fox running around trying to hump a pug and Pheifer sitting in the corner looking sad. Hopefully, it will warm up in the next few days so we can return to Atlanta looking like the bronzed goddesses that we know we can be versus looking more pasty and white than when we left. GF just suggested that we drink copious amounts of alcohol to warm us and then pass out on the beach so we can catch some rays. Hmmm....and she is a nurse, ladies and gentleman. I'll be parking my ass on the couch with my warm laptop for at least a few more hours.

mary campbell design.

Well, after many hours of laboring over Flash, GoLive, FTP uploading software and photoshop....not to mention a LOT of cursing....I have my first incarnation of a website for myself. I welcome all and any feedback. I will be adding more information to tell the *story* behind my work and will be putting a brief bio on the "learn" page but this is going to be the framework for things to come. I'm pretty pleased...it's not really fancy, but I'd never used Flash before nor had I done any web publishing prior to this (at least, on a mac). Oh, and PLEASE forgive the lapse in time that it takes to upload the flash file...despite my best attempts, I could NOT get a friggin' loader bar to work for me. I want to make it a LOT more interactive...but I have to take baby steps so that I don't lose my sanity before the end of the quarter.

marycampbelldesign.com

Speaking of Faith

Just wanted to pass along this information....Krista Tippett from Public Radio's "Speaking of Faith" program is going to be speaking in Atlanta this evening at the Carter Center Chapel (see info below). Should be very interesting.

March 9, 2007 (7:00 p.m.)
Carter Center Cecil B. Day Chapel
453 Freedom Parkway NE
Atlanta, GA
404.865.7100 [A Capella Books]

self-promo.

So....I am working on a self-promotional piece based off a woven narrative project. Here's where it is right now...I LOVE calligraphy. I don't have much else other than that at this particular time...it's studio week, I am stressed and trying to maintain my sanity while feverishly finishing (and, in some cases, starting and re-doing projects like, um, my website...). Have I mentioned that I hate Flash as much as I love calligraphy? Well, I do...it's a great program but my mind is way too impatient to figure it out. That is why the world made 30-year-old males who LOVE flash and video games but lack many of the social and creative skills to have a girlfriend and, instead, are in love with their computers and nintendo. I know I have, most likely, offended many of my peers and friends and that is okay because I will blame my choice of words and opinions on sleep deprivation and stress.

Thank you and goodnight.

"Faggot for President"

Here is the thing....I think everyone has the right to speak his or her mind. Should we censor Ann Coulter? No. She has the freedom to share her views with the whomever chooses to listen to her. Should we excuse a person's ignorance or intolerance because of a *substance abuse* problem? Probably not, but that is, altogether, another topic. My problem with Ann Coulter's indescretion is that if you follow her line of reasoning AND if you look at her choice of semantics, she would readily endorse a person's anti-semitic, racist, homophobic rhetoric. Should anyone be able to express him or herself as he or she sees fit? ...well, that is the beauty of this country...it is built on this freedom but, C'MON people...

B-Ball.

This weekend, my lady friend and I decided to go to the women's SEC basketball tournament in Duluth, Georgia. Several years back, I dated someone who was a fanatic about sports and I, by default, got somewhat interested in the game. Seriously people, I don't watch sports with any degree of regularity but one night over a lovely dinner and, perhaps, a few glasses of wine with some friends we decided that attending the 3-day tournament of games would be the *best*idea*ever.* Well, admittedly, one should never make commitments while *on wine,* but, as it turns out we had a fabulous time. LSU won 2 of the three games we attended, but lost the final, championship game tonight...alas, my rooting for the home team did not make the definitive difference.

Highlights from the weekend were a game commentary made by me: "games are HARD aren't they?" To which my lovely, kind lady responded, "yes, honey....games ARE hard....you should probably stick to playing with your crayons..." For the record, what I meant was that the level of speed and agility that these women have while communicating with each other in a very fast paced game was impressive. I would be laboring over what to do while the other team stole the ball from me and made a touchdown.

Another highlight occurred while we were in line for some ice cream. A elderly lady Tennessee fan came up to us and asked where we were from; gleefully, my companions responded "Atlanta!" and I, "Baton Rouge!" Then she accused us of cutting in line and interrogated us on the matter for about 5 minutes. For the record, we did not cut in line. I think she was just in a huff because her silly team lost.

As a side note, I learned that the following *sports fan* diet is not a good idea for someone like me:
Chick-fil-A sandwich and fries for lunch.
Hot dog with extra saurkraut (sp) and mustard for dinner
Mint chocolate chip ice cream for dessert.

All in all, I highly recommend doing something out of the ordinary every now and then...like attending a sports tournament.

Geaux Tigers.

Suburbia.

Yeah, I know...I am a suck-ass blogger. I have been really busy working on various school-related things. The end of the quarter is upon us and it is nearing that ever-lovely crunch time. I have some other work to show...I have been in a class that is for the ONE show competition and we did a series of ads...I must say, I am pretty pleased with how they came out. I'll post once the deadline for entering passes. Here are some posters I did for a project on suburbia. It was a most challenging project because the most frequently asked question is "what about suburbia?" Yeah....what ABOUT it? After talking frequently with Tania who resides in a suburban area (Marietta, GA), I was finally able to figure out what angle I wanted to take. The thing that I cannot handle is this homogenization that developers enforce upon previously more eclectic neighborhoods. In lieu of diversity, cookie cutter McMansions are erected. All of this because we want MORE, BIGGER, BETTER live-in trophies. So, that is my concept. Here are the posters! Ridiculously enough, these are the first posters I have done with my own style of illustration. I don't know why I have had such a hard time bringing myself into my work, but I think it has paid off with these pieces.

This is for Stella

This is for Tania's dog, Stella who HATES me. Every time I am around this sweet little beast, she growls at me or just goes for the kill and attacks my ankles. I just want her to love me. That's all.

A bonus post.

This month's Word It on Speak Up, "YELL!".

A little something....

A quote for especially for today:
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. -Oprah Winfrey"

It's been a busy week. In fact, this quarter has been entirely too hectic for my taste, but the pending final quarter that is looming over my head prevents me from yielding to my subtle tendency to slack off. That said, I have a few things to share with my loving audience...First, two CDs that are MUST HAVES. Norah Jones, "Not Too Late;" perhaps, my favorite CD of hers.

Best songs: 1. Not Too Late 2. The Sun Doesn't Like You 3. Not My Friend

Lucinda Williams, "West." It's gotten kick ass reviews and is amazing. In fact, GF and I are going to see her at the Tabernacle here in Atlanta on March 17...if the show is not sold out, RUN and get tickets. The song I am playing over and over right now...#2, Mama You Sweet and #12, Words. The ENTIRE CD is rockin, however.


The second recommendation I have to share is a new beverage by Coke. Enviga... The green tea is KICK ASS...a little fizz and not too sweet, plus it claims to burn calories....but I seriously doubt that it will kill the pepperoni pizza and red wine I had last night while watching the movie, "In the Bedroom." If you haven't seen it, RENT IT. I love Sissy Spacek; she is truly an amazing actor.

That's about all I have for today. Maybe more later. Probably not, but a girl can dream.

Dreams of Tigers.

It seems as though, every once in a while, I have a series of, shall we say, thematic dreams. Lately, I have had dreams of white tigers. In my dream, I am tentative around him but not so much afraid. He is almost like my cat, Oliver but he doesn't realize he is not a domesticated tabby cat but a full sized tiger and he is VERY close to me. The strange part is that I can talk to the Tiger and I'm not even sure I am talking per-se, but we are communicating. In my dream, I am a little nervous around the tiger but not afraid, just wanting to be careful with him because everyone around us is not comfortable with him...go figure, a full sized tiger inciting fear. This is my second tiger dream in the past month...so I started getting curious about what tigers represent. See below...pretty interesting.

F*ck Creative Circus.

aaaaawwwww yeaaahhhhh.

Spring!

I have never been one of these people who looks forward to Spring. I am a Fall girl. I love the colors, the clothes, the chill in the air. Fall has always had more energy to it than Spring. In fact, I have been known to get slightly depressed with in the onset of Spring. A funny thing happened to me on my run, yesterday. I got excited when I felt the anticipation of Spring around me. I realized that I hate coming home at 7pm and it being dark outside. I hate even more the fact that, as a very cold-natured person, I nearly freeze to death on dog walks in the fall and winter (even here in Atlanta....yeah, I am a wimp). In fact, there is nothing I like about the cold weather except for scarves, sweaters, and fires in the fireplace. Other than that, I am a miserable wimp when it comes to anything below 60 degrees.

This year, however, is different. Spring is full of excitement and MUCH anticipation. Anticipation of finishing school (in 6 months!!), anticipation of finding a job that I will enjoy, anticipation of really continuing on this journey that started for me 2 years ago and I have a tendency to get overwhelmed with all of the anticipating. I obsessively worry about it. I chew and chew and chew on things until I have thought them to death. Oh, and I don't sleep. Yes, that is my favorite part. Not getting restful sleep because I wake up and worry. I worry about things that I have no control over and I worry about things that I should have control over but do not. I worry until my head is pounding and my eyes are burning...and I worry about my worrying. I realize that I am worrying too much and I worry about how to stop worrying. If you are thinking that this sounds ridiculous, it is. Does anything ever get accomplished with all of this worrying? Not often. So, my goal for this Spring is to learn new ways to *relax.* I am not someone who easily turns her brain off. I am constantly thinking about what I could/should/or would (rather be) doing. I am either thinking small like...how can I organize my closet to be more efficient or how can I change the world or what kind of business would I start if I could or should I eat chicken or beef for dinner....oh, and that is all happening at the same time.

It has been suggested that I start meditating. Running is like meditation for me. I can completely relax, turn off my brain, use my body and let my mind go. The only problem is that, thanks to years of abusing my body, I have really shitty knees that make a revolting crunching noise when I run. Surely, this is not good. I know it is not but I *sort of * refuse to heed the warnings of nature and insist upon continuing to run. I'll work on that...add it to my list. I'll probably start worrying about that, too.

In the meantime, at the top of my list of things to do is to learn how to stay fully in the present and not worry about those things over which I have no control. I'll get right to that...

edge

I stumbled across this cool as shittake website the other day...it has a TON of really interesting information on science, ethics, religion, etc...definitely worth a peek if you are even slightly curious about the "big" questions of the universe. edge.org

My gift to you on this lovely Thursday afternoon.

Bodoni.

Greetings readers.
I am working on a project about the typeface, Bodoni.
If anyone out there is interested in participating in my project and would like to answer a few quick questions about this typeface, I would WELCOME any feedback!
Here are my questions...

1. If Bodoni were the last and only typeface available to you on the earth and you were charged with setting a block of text, a headline or just a word with Bodoni using one or all of the various weights available to you, what text would you choose and how would you set it? (for example, would you set the Lord's Prayer in Bodoni Italic or would it be "gangsta rap" lyrics in Bodoni Bold Condensed?)

2. Considering the overall geometric structure of the Bodoni typeface and the beautiful contrast between the thick and thin strokes featured in this typeface, if Bodoni were the only typeface that you could design with, what would you change about it?

3. If Bodoni were a famous person, male or female, who would Bodoni be?

Thanks!

Molly Ivins

“Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful." -Molly Ivins

Sadly enough, one of the sharpest, funniest, most intelligent women in politics passed away on Wednesday of this week to breast cancer. I was lucky enough to hear her speak a few years ago at Tulane in New Orleans and she was amazing. Though I do not have a particular affinity towards Texas, there is a certain brand of woman that comes out of this state. Along with Ann Richards, Molly Ivins was a "tell it like it is" kind of woman with great wit, intelligence and strength. She will be missed.

Shameless love.

For those of you who do not know this...I am madly in love with my two dogs, Red and Fox. Featured in the above pics, Red is the hat-wearing beagle who loves sleeping, defending his chew toys and being referee to all other dogs. Fox is the *innocent* terrier who enjoys snuggling, chasing the cats, eating tampons out of the trash and NOT listening to any commands including: "NO!", "get down," "Sit!," "hush," or "Go get mommy a drink."

wonder.

Here is this month's entry for SpeakUp's Word It, "wonder."

Sherwin Nuland

I heard this on speaking of faith on public radio the other day....everyone should read it. Sherwin Nuland, author and surgeon, was interviewed by Krista Tippet. Read the transcript below....

Krista Tippett, host: I’m Krista Tippett. My guest today, Sherwin Nuland, believes that the human spirit is an evolutionary accomplishment of the brain. He spent 30 years as a practicing surgeon. His first book, How We Die, won the National Book Award. In recent years he’s delved deeply into his sense of wonder at the human body’s capacity to sustain life and to support our pursuits of order and meaning.

Dr. Sherwin Nuland: Wonder is something I share with people of deep faith. They wonder at the universe that God has created, and I wonder at the universe that nature has created. This is a sense of awe that motivates the faithful, motivates me. And when I say motivates, it provides an energy for seeking. Just as the faithful will always say, ‘We are seeking,’ I am seeking.

Ms. Tippett: This is Speaking of Faith. Stay with us for “The Biology of the Spirit.”

Ms. Tippett: I’m Krista Tippett. Sherwin Nuland’s first book, How We Die, won the National Book Award in 1994. In that and all of his later works, this former surgeon reflects on the meaning of life by way of scrupulous and elegant detail about human physiology. We’ll speak this hour about his belief that the human spirit is an evolutionary accomplishment of the brain.

From American Public Media, this is Speaking of Faith, public radio’s conversation about religion, meaning, ethics, and ideas. Today, “The Biology of the Spirit,” a conversation with Dr. Sherwin Nuland.

Sherwin Nuland is a clinical professor of surgery at Yale University, where he also teaches bioethics and medical history. He was a practicing surgeon for 30 years, treating upwards of 10,000 patients. After the success of his book about death, Dr. Nuland turned his attention to the infinite variety of processes that maintain human life moment to moment. Here he is speaking about just one minute process, the DNA repair enzyme, before an audience at the Chautauqua Institution in New York.

Dr. Nuland: (excerpt from presentation) Here we are with our 75 trillion cells. It’s been estimated there are about 4 million cell divisions every single second. You’re working so hard while you’re sitting here. And when cells divide, of course it’s impossible for the DNA to replicate perfectly each time, so little mistakes are made. You know, this is how mutations arise. The DNA repair enzyme is a molecule. It’s a complex molecule. It travels like a little motorboat up and down the DNA molecule. It finds errors, snips them out, corrects them, and puts the right thing back in there. This is the ultimate wisdom of the body.

Ms. Tippett: The Wisdom of the Body is the title Sherwin Nuland gave to a book he published in 1997. He chose as its epigraph a quote of St. Augustine:
"Men go forth to wonder at the heights of mountains,
the huge waves of the sea,
the broad flow of the rivers,
the vast compass of the ocean,
the courses of the stars,
and they pass by themselves without wondering."
Sherwin Nuland finds the source of his greatest wonder within the body, and he's increasingly fascinated these days by what new understanding of the brain can reveal about what makes us human.

Dr. Nuland: We’re finally coming to understand that phenomena that we think of as psychic phenomena can be explained by the nuts and bolts of physical chemistry, and can be explained by the most complex structure that has ever existed on this planet, which is that three-pound human brain.

Ms. Tippett: Sherwin Nuland believes that human beings, alone among living creatures, became aware over time of the cost of decay in the world around them and of their own finitude. “In response,” he writes, “our brains developed a capacity for spirit, for seeking lives of integrity and equanimity and moral order.”

Dr. Nuland’s own story mirrors this progression. He relinquished the Orthodox Jewish faith of his immigrant upbringing as he recovered from a grave struggle with clinical depression in his 40s. But precisely through that experience and through years of treating disease in the body, he became fascinated with the biological roots of human health and spirit.

Dr. Nuland: When one has spent that amount of time studying abnormalities, one develops an enormously healthy respect for normal. One develops an enormously healthy respect for the equilibrium that is maintained in order for us to continue in healthy life, especially when you’re in surgery and you look inside an abdomen and realize how many things could go haywire and they don’t. Or you look at the structures that you’re dealing with and recognize that everything is just humming along beautifully, nobody is running it. It’s just going by itself and the orders are coming from somewhere. This little bit of pathology that you’re taking care of is in the corner somewhere. Now, we know it affects the whole body, but when you look at it, you’re most impressed with the normal structures.

Ms. Tippett: You also had a serious experience of depression, which you wrote about in a more recent book, Lost in America, that was that book, and I’d also be curious about how that experience formed your interest, your fascination with your physical self, with the body.

Dr. Nuland: Well, when I became depressed, I came very quickly to admit something to myself that I had really been aware of on some level but refused to come out and say directly, which was that my religious beliefs, what I thought were my religious beliefs, were nothing more than obsessional thinking, that it really had to do with fear of, whether you want to call it hellfire or punishment of some kind.

Ms. Tippett: And these would be the beliefs of this Orthodox Jewish upbringing?

Dr. Nuland: How does one know? Certainly I, since that time, have met many, many, many Jews, just as I’ve met many Catholics and Protestants who have deep faith, who really believe, and obsessional thinking has nothing to do with it, and fear of punishment has nothing to do with it. This is true faith. But my problem was me and not what Judaism represents. And it was clear to me that the behaviors that I was exhibiting, that I thought were in keeping with Jewish religious precepts, had to do with superstitious fears of punishment. And if I was going to get out of this depression, I was going to have to give that all up. And I just did it. I did it by an act of will.

Ms. Tippett: But, so then the question is, I mean, since that time, is there a connection between what you gave up in terms of these obsessional thoughts, the religious ideas that weren’t good for you, and then what you began to think about in their place? Because you didn’t really stop thinking about what it means to be human or the fact that there’s a human spirit, which are often connected with religious beliefs.

Dr. Nuland: Well, that’s right. That’s right. It’s the human spirit that got me through. It was the sense that there is a richness in this world that’s enormous fun if you can find it, and it’s the kind of fun that you can have while actually making the world a better place for other people, too. There’s an integrity to it in the sense of a oneness, of a unity, that if you are discovering the essence of what it means to be human, you are freeing yourself from all these enmeshings and thinking about yourself. So you’re really thinking about humanity and the human spirit and, accordingly, other people. And the sense of accomplishment when you accomplish something from that intellectual and emotional background is enormous because of the freedom.

I was shackled by neurotic thoughts, by essentially being so twisted in the meaning of what I was doing, the meaning from myself, the spiritual meaning from some supernatural being that I didn’t really understand. Once that was gone, what a wave of freedom, what a liberating thing it was. It was as though I’d been bottled up and someone took the cork off the bottle, and this thing — it didn’t leap out; it sort of, ooooooh, came out. And luckily for me, it’s continued to come out, because when one gets tempted to take up the obsessions or neurotic symptoms again, one begins to think of not just the cost of doing that but what you would lose, the pleasure that you would lose, the rewards you would lose, the sense of self you would lose, the feeling of being a part of an open community that you would lose. I know this is a lot of abstraction.

Ms. Tippett: No. I don’t think it’s abstraction. And I think a lot of people will know what you’re talking about and will recognize themselves there. I mean, but again, you know, what I think is fascinating is that you thought about the human spirit in a whole new way, and your spirit, it sounds like. And you did so also by connecting that with the work of your life, with your work with the human body. I mean, here is some language from your book: “The human spirit is the result of the adaptive biological mechanisms that protect our species, sustain us and serve to perpetuate the existence of humanity.” You know, that could sound like a kind of antiseptic and reductionist statement, but in fact…

Dr. Nuland: Sound like a meaningless statement.

Ms. Tippett: Well, no, but you make it and you surround it with ideas with a sense of great wonder.

Dr. Nuland: Well, you just got the word. I’ve been sitting here on the edge of my seat, hoping, ‘When am I going to get to say this word, wonder?’ Wonder is something I share with people of deep faith. They wonder at the universe that God has created, and I wonder at the universe that nature has created. But this is a sense of awe that motivates the faithful, motivates me. And when I say motivates, it provides an energy for seeking. Just as the faithful will always say, ‘We are seeking,’ I am seeking.

We’re seeking different things. I’m seeking an understanding of this integrity of everything, of this unity of everything, of the equilibrium of not just the homeostasis, as the physiologists say, the staying the sameness, but of the closeness that we are constantly coming to chaos. I have had chaos. I’ve had chaos to the point where I thought my mind was lost, which gives me a deeper appreciation of equanimity, not just to continued existence but to continued learning, continued productivity, this kind of thing.

Ms. Tippett: Surgeon and writer Sherwin Nuland. I’m Krista Tippett, and this is Speaking of Faith from American Public Media, today exploring Dr. Nuland’s ideas about the biology of the human spirit. Here’s a passage from his book The Wisdom of the Body.

Reader: “Notwithstanding the tragedies that humankind has visited on itself individually and collectively, and the havoc we have wreaked on our planet, we have become endowed nevertheless with a transcendent quality that expands generation upon generation, overcoming even our tendency to self-destruction. That quality, which I call spirit, has permeated our civilization and created the moral and esthetic nutriment by which we are sustained. It is a nutriment, I believe, largely of our own making.

“As I define it, the human spirit is a quality of human life, the result of living, nature-driven forces of discovery and creativeness; the human spirit is a quality that Homo sapiens by trial and error gradually found within itself over the course of millennia and bequeathed to each succeeding generation, fashioning it and refashioning it — strengthened ever anew — from the organic structure into which our species evolved so many thousands of years ago. It lives while we live; it dies while we die. It is neither soul nor shade. It is the essence of human life.”

Ms. Tippett: Again, Dr. Sherwin Nuland.

Dr. Nuland: I think there is an evolutionary accomplishment of the human cortex, the cortex of the brain, and the way it relates to the lower centers of the brain and the way it relates to the entire body, the way it accepts and synthesizes information, uses information from the environment, from the deepest recesses of the body, the way it recognizes dangers to its continued integrity. And I think that this is precisely what the human spirit is doing. The human spirit is maintaining an equilibrium, and it largely is related to its normal physical and chemical functioning.

Ms. Tippett: So there’s a biological underpinning for intelligence that evolved over a great large span of time in human beings, but then that we developed something else which is consciousness. Is consciousness the same as spirit?

Dr. Nuland: I don’t think so. Consciousness is only a kind of an awareness of our surroundings, an awareness of our emotions, an awareness of our responses. The human spirit is something much greater. The human spirit is an enrichment. It’s the way we use our consciousness to, I keep using this word, to synthesize something better than our mere consciousness, to make ourselves emotionally richer than we in fact are.

Ms. Tippett: So that almost to transcend what was given.

Dr. Nuland: To transcend. And this is what I mean when I say that we are greater than the sum of our parts, that because of the kinds of trillions of cerebral connections we have, and the way our species for the past 40,000 years since modern Homo sapiens appeared on Earth, the way we have adapted to stimuli from the outside, we have relentlessly pursued this upward course, I believe, toward creating the richness of the human spirit.

There is a word that the neuroscientists use when talking about why a certain series of circuits or group of circuits in the brain is activated. The word is value. There are pathways in the brain that have survival value. So when a stimulus comes in and the brain has 50,000 different ways of responding to it, some of those are useful for survival and some of those will either prevent survival or mar survival, and the human brain, in classical evolutionary pattern, will pick the one that is healthiest, that gives greatest pleasure. What gives greater pleasure than a spiritual sense? So I think of this as natural selection in a form, in an emotional form, and I think it is almost like choice because when you’re talking about selection in the brain, there are processes of choice. The brain has a way of evaluating what is best for the organism. And what is best for the organism is not just survival and reproduction but beauty, but an esthetic sense.

Ms. Tippett: OK. So that we as human beings have chosen to value beauty.

Dr. Nuland: You bet. We’ve chosen. Now, it’s an unconscious process, but what we know about unconscious processes are that for every conscious process there are 8 million zillion trillion unconscious ones, and they are in fact what will eventually determine what’s conscious and what we can understand. So again, to reiterate, this is a process of natural selection. A stimulus comes in. There are many, many ways of responding to it. Some of those ways are counterproductive, some are kind of ordinary, and some really give satisfaction and enhance the richness of our lives. And without knowing it, our circuits are choosing those, and this is what I mean by the human spirit.

Ms. Tippett: And I want to just say, you know, say someone who’s listening who hasn’t read your work, what we’re not talking about is the loving detail with which you describe these trillions of circuits and what is happening, how amazing those biological mechanisms are, and how amazing you find it to be.

Dr. Nuland: It’s wonderfully exciting. Here are these 75 trillion cells, and every cell has hundreds of thousands of protein molecules in it and they are constantly interacting with one another in what would appear to be chaos. And in fact, if you were to be able to lower yourself into a cell, you’d be terrified because it would seem so chaotic. If it had sound, you couldn’t live with it, it would be so noisy. And yet what is actually occurring is that these reactions are all counteracting threats to the survival of that cell. And I think that there is within the human organism, only the human organism because of our cortex and our ability to process information, I think that there is an awareness of the closeness of chaos.

And I think there’s a lot of evidence for that, including cultural evidence. And I talk often about the polarity of our thinking. We talk about good and evil, and one of my favorite examples of this is something I got from my Orthodox Jewish background, which is the principle of the good inclination living in balance with the evil inclination, and one must make that choice at all times. Now, the Greeks, who expressed it as chaos versus cosmos, already, without knowing anything about cells or anything about how the body really worked, they had a sense that there was an order up there in the universe, but we live in chaos. And we can use the example of the cosmos to seek the reassurance of that stability. And you know and I know you listen to the popular music that people in their teens and 20s and 30s are listening to, and if you listen carefully you’re always going to hear the heartbeat in the background.

Ms. Tippett: What you're saying is that we are always seeking rhythm.

Dr. Nuland: Harmony, order, integrity in the sense of oneness. And this is again, I think, why monotheism. It’s just everybody says, ‘Oh, this is wonderful. The Jews discovered monotheism, the Christians embrace it, the Muslims embrace it,’ as if this has to be the right thing. Why does it have to be the right thing? Why is this better than a bunch of polyglot gods or polymorphic gods? It’s because we need unity, predictability. We need a moral sense. We need a moral sense to prevent the chaos that somehow we recognize we are living close to.

Ms. Tippett: Well, I’m also thinking of the beginning of Genesis, of the beginning of the Hebrew Bible, where the original creative act is creating order.

Dr. Nuland: That’s right. They were responding to precisely that same deep awareness that hadn’t even reached the level of the unconscious mind yet that I’m talking about.

Ms. Tippett: The spirit, for all of its wonder and the good that we associate with it, also has base qualities and has a dark side. How do you think about that in this scheme?

Dr. Nuland: Well, I think it has to do with the nearness of chaos, which is always a temptation. It’s like the butterfly and the flame. We are tempting ourselves with evil, we are tempting ourselves with that which is destructive, and we, to some extent, succumb to it. If you talk to psychoanalysts about severe neurotic disease, they often talk about the personality that skates to the edge and then rescues itself from the edge. We are so tempted to go to hell with ourselves, as it were, that’s a theological expression, that we actually do come near it, even recognizing the other pole. And this is what the Greeks meant when they were talking about Eros versus Thanatos, the love and life sense against the death sense. I don’t think it’s in very many of us to deliberately choose destruction, but we play with it and it licks us and burns us and can ruin lives. So this is all part of that polarity that I was talking about, the fear of chaos, which makes us look for order.

Ms. Tippett: Surgeon and author Sherwin Nuland of Yale University. Here's a passage from his writing.
Reader: “Always, the purpose of treatment is only to restore nature’s balance against disease. There is no recovery unless it comes from the force and fiber of one’s own tissues. The physician’s role is to be the cornerman — stitch up the lacerations, apply the soothing balm, encourage the use of the fighter’s specific abilities, say all the right things to encourage the flagging strength of the real combatant, the pummeled body. As doctors, we do our best when we remove the obstacles to healing and encourage organs and cells to use their own nature-given power to overcome. We have always known this. Every system of so-called primitive medicine I have ever encountered views disease as the imbalance of certain factors whose proper interrelationships must be reestablished if recovery is to take place.

“… I have spent the adult years of my life being nature’s cornerman. I have provided it with whatever boost was needed, cheered it on, and felt the exhilaration of watching its formidable powers wheel into action once I have helped remove the impediments. An inflamed organ is excised, an obstruction is bypassed, excessive hormone levels are reduced, a cancerous region is swept clean of tumor-bearing tissue — and the wrongs are redressed, thus allowing cells and tissues to take over the process of reconstituting equilibrium. Surgeons are no more than agents of the process by which an offending force may be sufficiently held at bay to aid nature in its inherent tendency to restore health. For me, surgery has been the distilled essence of W.H. Auden’s perceptive précis of all medicine: ‘Healing,’ said the poet, ‘is not a science but the intuitive art of wooing nature.’”

Ms. Tippett: From Dr. Sherwin Nuland’s book The Wisdom of the Body. This is Speaking of Faith. After a short break, more of our conversation about biology and the human spirit, including the human capacity for love, moral order, and faith.

If you’ve never visited our remarkable award-winning Web site, speakingoffaith.org, take a look. For every show you’ll find deep background on the ideas and references and voices you hear. Sign up for our weekly e-mail newsletter with my journal, and subscribe to our free podcast so you’ll never miss another program. Listen when you want, wherever you want. Discover more at speakingoffaith.org. I’m Krista Tippett. Stay with us. Speaking of Faith comes to you from American Public Media.

Ms. Tippett: Welcome back to Speaking of Faith, public radio’s conversation about religion, meaning, ethics, and ideas. I’m Krista Tippett. Today, “The Biology of the Spirit,” a conversation with Dr. Sherwin Nuland. A practicing surgeon for 30 years and now a clinical professor of surgery at the Yale School of Medicine, Dr. Nuland gained literary prominence with his 1994 book, How We Die. We’ve been talking this hour about his suggestion in recent years that the human spirit arose in an evolutionary way, a proposal he believes is being validated by rapid advances in scientific understanding of the brain.

Sherwin Nuland no longer practices the Orthodox Judaism of his upbringing. And when he speaks of the human spirit, he rejects the dualistic thinking that’s been prevalent in modern Western history. Christian-influenced cultures have often understood the body and the spirit as separate entities. But Dr. Nuland’s understanding of the spirit as one with the body, rooted in the body, does echo other ancient traditions and even language used in the Hebrew Bible to speak of the soul.
Ms. Tippett: It does occur to me that this idea of the soul, the spirit — I don’t know if you use the word “soul.” Do you use — would you use the word “soul” and “spirit” interchangeably?

Dr. Nuland: I don't think I ever use the word "soul," you know?

Ms. Tippett: All right. Well, I'm thinking of…

Dr. Nuland: "Soul" has implications that I'm trying to stay away from.

Ms. Tippett: That you're staying away from.

Dr. Nuland: Yeah.

Ms. Tippett: I’ve been thinking, there is in Jewish tradition the nephesh, the soul which is emergent, which, you know, which is quite different from say the Christian idea of the soul. There is a Jewish sensibility of the soul as being something that emerges in relationship. And I do think that there is some affinity between that image and the way you imagine the human spirit to be this evolving work of humankind.

Dr. Nuland: Well, I think you have just told me something I’ve got to think a lot about, because it had never occurred to me. But what I’ve got to do is think of the theological implications of nephesh, because I suspect that I know far more than I think I know, just as we all know far more than we think we know. You know, we know all these words and if we were to sit down with ourselves in a quiet room or just sit with a pencil, extraordinary things would come out. And they would be correct. So I’ve got to sit in the corner, and I’ve also got to talk to some better theologians than I about the implications of nephesh, because I assume — why does this hit me so hard? Because I assume that I know things about that concept that I don’t realize I know.

Ms. Tippett: Well, it may have been something you breathed in in that Orthodox Jewish air that you grew up in.

Dr. Nuland: Well, you do — it all is related, you know, to the Greek notion of pneuma, the notion that the soul exists in the universe and with your first breath you inhale the pneuma, P-N-E-U-M-A, and that is the life-giving force. “Pneuma” is actually etymologically related to “psyche.” So you get psyche, spirit, soul all together in one, but the origin of it is this thing that you inhale. So all of these traditions end up going back, I think, to something that all Homo sapiens share. So if all Homo sapiens share it, one of two things has to be true: either God gave it to everybody, or it’s a universal within our--on some level of awareness or it’s in our DNA or something of this. I choose to think it’s biological.

Ms. Tippett: Dr. Sherwin Nuland. He reflects on meaning by way of biological struggles he’s witnessed in medicine and in life. In his book How We Die, he explored his knowledge of physical pathologies and their infinite variety in the context of human stories. He included personal memories of the aging and death of his grandmother, in Yiddish, his “Bubbeh.” He shared a room with her for eight years of his childhood, in a Bronx apartment that housed three generations.
Reader: “It must have been after my mother died that I first began to be conscious of just how ancient Bubbeh was. Since earliest memory I had amused myself from time to time by playing idly with the loose, unresilient skin on the backs of her hands or near her elbows, gently drawing it out like stretched taffy, then watching in never-lessening wonder as it slowly resettled into place with an easy languor that made me think of molasses. Bubbeh moved from room to room in slippered feet and with great care. As the years passed, the walk became a shuffle and finally a kind of slow sliding, the foot never leaving the floor.

“Slowly, her vision too began to fail. At first, it became my job to thread her sewing needles, but when she found herself unable to guide her fingers, she stopped mending altogether, and the holes in my socks and shirts had to await the few free evening moments of my chronically fatigued Aunt Rose, who laughed at my puny attempts to teach myself to sew. In retrospect, it seems hardly possible that one day I would be a surgeon. Bubbeh would have been very proud and very surprised.

“After some years, Bubbeh could no longer see well enough to wash dishes or even sweep the floor because she couldn’t tell where the dust and dirt were. Nevertheless, she wouldn’t give up trying. In my early teens, I saw the last traces of the old combativeness disappear and my grandmother became almost meek. She had always been gentle with us kids, but meekness was something new. Perhaps it was not so much meekness as a form of withdrawal, an acquiescence to the expanding power of the physical disablements that were subtly increasing her separation from us and from life.”

Ms. Tippett: You tell so many wonderful stories in all your writing. You chose to write about your grandmother, your Bubbeh, in How We Die. You wrote about her death, and, you know, so many of the stories you tell are about moments in surgery or in hospitals and individual lives in the balance, and they’re all so unique. It really struck me that you wrote about your grandmother and you talked about how many letters you got from people all over the country, and you quoted this pig farmer in Iowa who wrote, “Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Bubbeh with us. I now love her too, as I have known her by another name in another time in another place.”

Dr. Nuland: Exactly.

Ms. Tippett: It struck me, this paradox of how different we all are in every one of our situations in living and dying and yet how alike, yet how there are these images of humanity.

Dr. Nuland: Do you know what I learned from writing that book, if I learned nothing else? The more personal you are willing to be and the more intimate you are willing to be about the details of your own life, the more universal you are.

Ms. Tippett: Yeah. Isn't that interesting?

Dr. Nuland: Isn’t that interesting? And when I say universal, I don’t mean universal only within our culture. You know, there’s a lot of balderdash thrown around, ‘You don’t understand people who live in Sri Lanka and their response to the tsunami because you just don’t know that culture.’ Well, there’s an element of that, but to me, cultural differences are a kind of patina over the deepest psychosexual feelings that we have, that all human beings share, that they share by virtue of the physical properties of their body and the kind of brain that they have, which bring out certain sorts of strivings, certain sorts of emotional needs that are indeed universal.

Ms. Tippett: Mm-hmm. And how do we make use of that knowledge, or do we just know it?

Dr. Nuland: I think we make use of that knowledge to perpetuate love. There is a book that I wrote called Lost in America, and there is a quotation in that book. It’s the epigraph of that book, and it’s attributed to Philo. Nobody who’s a Philo expert has been able to find it for me, and I certainly can’t find it. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is carrying a great burden.” Well, that’s the philosopher’s stone.

When you recognize that pain and response to pain is a universal thing, it helps explain so many things about others, just as it explains so much about yourself. It teaches you forbearance. It teaches you a moderation in your responses to other people’s behavior. It teaches you a sort of understanding. It essentially tells you what everybody needs. You know what everybody needs? You want to put it in a single word? Everybody needs to be understood. And out of that comes every form of love. If someone truly feels that you understand them, an awful lot of neurotic behavior just disappears. Disappears on your part, disappears on their part. So if you’re talking about what motivates this world to continue existing as a community, you’ve got to talk about love. And you can’t talk about — oh, I’m going to get into hot water for this, you can’t talk about this phony concept of love that so many of the religious throw around based on God’s love. You’ve got to think about this in terms of human biology, including emotional biology.

Ms. Tippett: Right. I mean, love is such a watered down wishy-washy word in our culture.

Dr. Nuland: Well, sure. It's misused, it's bastardized.

Ms. Tippett: Yeah.

Dr. Nuland: And it becomes somebody's slogan.

Ms. Tippett: But, I mean, I'm thinking when you talk about — if you approach everyone, as you say — I love this epigraph, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

Dr. Nuland: That's it, fighting a great battle.

Ms. Tippett: Is fighting a great battle.

Dr. Nuland: Yes, that's even better.

Ms. Tippett: I mean, that — but, you know, what that also engenders, the qualities you spoke about: patience, hospitality, compassion — virtues that are at the heart of all the great religious traditions, right?

Dr. Nuland: Of course. There’s the universal again. And my argument is it comes out of your biology because on some level we understand all of this. We put it into religious forms. It’s almost like an excuse to deny our biology. We put it into pithy, sententious aphorisms, but it’s really coming out of our deepest physiological nature.

Ms. Tippett: I also, though, as I read you, you’re very clear that some people could read the way you describe reality and even your sense of spirit as something that has evolved and could also be religious and hold that together with a sense that there’s a God.

Dr. Nuland: Of course. And these are two different belief systems. There isn’t a reason in the world that the religious have to explain their faith on a scientific basis. It makes no sense. What is needed between science and religions is not a debate but a conversation, each one saying, you know, ‘You’re here to stay and I’m here to stay, so let’s find out how our relationship can be of greatest benefit to this world.’ And in the new book on Maimonides, I pointed out that this debate between the two did not exist until the philosophers of the enlightenment created that debate.

Ms. Tippett: Well, let’s say who Maimonides was, a physician and a philosopher…

Dr. Nuland: Yes. And a theologian.

Ms. Tippett: …and a theologian.

Dr. Nuland: Yeah. Aquinas was a philosopher and a theologian. Averroës was a physician, a philosopher and a theologian. All three of these people knew essentially all the knowledge available to anybody at that time. And they were engaged in the pursuit of bringing science and philosophy on the one hand — and specifically Greek philosophy — science and philosophy on the one hand together with faith on the other hand. That’s what they did. When people talk about Galileo, they say, ‘Oh, my God, Galileo, he was a heretic, he was’ — not at all.

Ms. Tippett: Not true, I know. It's just, I know. Bad history.

Dr. Nuland: Galileo's entire pursuit was to bring his theory into keeping with church doctrine.

Ms. Tippett: Physician and author Sherwin Nuland. I’m Krista Tippett, and this is Speaking of Faith from American Public Media, today in conversation with Dr. Nuland on his ideas about the biology of the human spirit.

Ms. Tippett: When I was reading you about the evolution of spirit, of sort of humanity as a creation of humankind and a creation of the brain, I was thinking of John Polkinghorne, who’s a British physicist and theologian, and he says that he believes in God, but he says God did something much more clever than create a clockwork world, God created a world that could make itself.

Dr. Nuland: There it is.

Ms. Tippett: So, I mean, it's a way to look at…

Dr. Nuland: There it is, you know.

Ms. Tippett: …everything you're stating and also retain a faith.

Dr. Nuland: Yeah, and He gave…

Ms. Tippett: But I’m not saying that’s — I’m not saying there’s any reason to force that either.

Dr. Nuland: And you know what else He did? Let’s say categorically we’re both people of faith. He gave humankind free will, and free will becomes the essence of the whole thing. Because it’s not just free will in the conscious sense, but He would have created the free will that makes the synapses and the nerve cells and the neurotransmitters, allows them to make choices. And given the opportunity to make choices, they will always choose the more, let’s use that big word, salubrious way, and salubrious in the classical sense of healthy way, physically healthy, emotionally healthy, the thing that’s going to make it survive most likely and provide it with the most pleasure. And the moral sense provides people with more pleasure than anything. That’s been my experience, that a sense of oneself as a good person whose life isn’t sacrificed for others but is based around community and love gives one a sense of self that is the greatest pleasure that anybody can have. We say virtue is its own reward. And, you know, it’s a little homily, but there’s a lot of stuff behind that homily. Every cliché has a reason.

Ms. Tippett: This adventure of learning about the brain, which you are steeped in, I wonder how you think this kind of knowledge will begin to reach ordinary people. You know, are there ways it will turn up in our culture at a more basic level?

Dr. Nuland: What happens to science, or what has happened to science since the great discoveries began to be made around the middle of the 20th century is that increasingly the public, by reading about some of these technological events and phenomena over and over again, it starts seeping in. People are very impatient when they want to learn about this stuff. They go, ‘Well, I don’t understand this,’ and they go on to something else. But if you’re just patient and let it happen--bit by bit people began to understand DNA. In 1955, just two years after Watson and Crick did their nice thing and published that great paper, nobody could figure out what DNA was. Now everybody knows what DNA is.

Ms. Tippett: Right, now it’s — yeah, OK.

Dr. Nuland: And all kinds of notions of heredity and genetics. When people first started talking about stem cells and cloning, they were a mystery except in some sort of comedic sense. But bit by bit, people are recognizing scientific observations and discoveries. And my guess is that neuroscience, as it evolves, will slowly become something that is apprehensible to most reasonably well-educated people. Of course, it would help if we had a better way of scientifically educating 10-year-olds, but we are not in that situation in this country.

Ms. Tippett: But you know what, the neuroscience that you’re describing is also something that I think people could use to make their lives more fulfilling. That kind of knowledge is also a form of power.

Dr. Nuland: Well, I like to think that if people really understand the way their brains work, they would be as overwhelmed with wonder as some of us are, and would have a completely different sense of the human organism and its potentialities and would try to live up to its greatest potentialities.

Ms. Tippett: Sherwin Nuland is clinical professor of surgery at Yale University, where he also teaches bioethics and medical history. His books include Maimonides, How We Die, and The Wisdom of the Body, which appears in paperback with the title How We Live. Here are his concluding remarks on "The Wisdom of the Body" at the Chautauqua Institution in New York, in August 2005:

Dr. Nuland: (excerpt from presentation) It is my spiritual self that makes me human, it enables me to reason, to sublimate my instinctual drives, to be of use to society, and to love in a way that only members of my species can love. But it also enables me to do harm, to scheme against the interests of others, and to so misinterpret the unconsciously recalled traumas of my childhood that I become depressed, anxious, or a danger to society.

The human spirit can be the high road to the fulfillment of my greatest hopes, but it can be the grim pathway to my self-destruction. Either way, it is the transcendent product of my body and its wisdom and of the most complex structure on the human planet, the three pounds of human brain. Thank you very much.

Ms. Tippett: Dr. Sherwin Nuland. Visit speakingoffaith.org, our award-winning Web site, for more on all the ideas in this program. Sign up for my weekly journal by e-mail newsletter and a weekly podcast of the entire program. Listen when you want, wherever you want. Discover more at speakingoffaith.org.

Special thanks this week to Maureen Rovegno and the Reverend Joan Brown Campbell of the religion department at the Chautauqua Institution where we interviewed Dr. Nuland.

The senior producer of Speaking of Faith is Mitch Hanley, with producers Colleen Scheck and Jody Abramson and editor Ken Hom. Our online editor is Trent Gilliss. Bill Buzenberg is the consulting editor, Kate Moos is the managing producer of Speaking of Faith, and I’m Krista Tippett.

©2007 American Public Media

trout almondine.

Per Tania's *request* for karaoke, I have decided to debut my very first music video. Though the quality of the video is a bit sub-par, I really think it showcases the scope of my creative soul. I wrote the compelling lyrics to this song all by myself...in fact, like a mountain well, the words just sprung from me...and here, my fine viewers, you get to see the creative mind in action. This piece is an homage to Saturday. Saturday the 20th of January, 2007. It was a fine Saturday spent shopping at the outlet malls in lovely North Georgia and the highlight of the day, of course, being the trout almondine I made for dinner along with the lovely brussel sprouts cooked with Pink Lady apples. Alas, I do not want to ruin what is certain to be a profound musical experience for you all, so I will digress with the detailed account of the day and let the music speak for itself.

bowling.

Greetings blog-pals! Just wanted to share with you all my new passion. Bowling. Aside from the rented shoes and crowded lanes, I may have just found my athletic calling in life. I mean, c'mon...who couldn't respect a sport that allows you to sip cheap vodka drinks while participating in a competition? I must say, despite what you all may be thinking...I kicked ass. I came in second place out of 7 other bowlers. It is probably due to my very innovative move that requires a slight (or, perhaps, more demonstrative) hop just prior to releasing the ball down the alley. Let me warn you, people...this is a very technical move and when one puts too much drama into the hop, one risks overstepping the line on the alleyway thereby causing one's foot to engage the very oily ground surface which could result in falling on one's ass. I cannot testify to this experience, personally, but I have heard it can be very nasty. My next step: get my own balls.

Coke.

Today, Marla and I present our work to Coca-Cola...we are very excited about this as we have been working our asses off for the past two weeks. Our work, I must say, looks killer and we are friggin exhausted, but it is all worth it. I can't tell you all much more than that as our idea is confidential right now...but, I'll update as soon as possible.

In other news, I dreamed that someone vomited on me last night. Not a good thing to have rolling around in my head before we meet with the big dogs at Coke.

Wish us luck.

Sprout.

This is my cat, Sprout. While I am the worst. blogger. ever., she is best. kitty. ever.

I'm back.

Back in school.

Already, I have hit the ground running with no time for rest. I was up at 5am yesterday...worked all day and am back at it today.

Saturday morning.

Would I rather be outside playing with my dogs, frolicking in the park, drinking coffee and reading the paper....absolutely....but, just for the record, I LOVE what I do....and, despite my protests, I love the adrenaline of working down to the wire, pushing myself further than I thought I could and meeting the challenges and exceeding my expectations. I have never thought of myself as a particularly competitive person. I did not play sports in high school or college. In fact, every sport I have enjoyed has been solitary: riding horses, running, playing tennis (singles, never doubles). Perhaps, it is just finding something that I am passionate about that has ignited a sense of competition and desire to be the best...who knows. I am just happy that I get to experience this level of passion and excitement in what I do. So many people hate their jobs. But I really think life is way to short to hate any part of your life...especially something that you spend 40+ hours/week doing.

Happy Saturday everyone!

Happy New Year.

Well, happy new year everyone. You'll be happy to know the transition from '06 to '07 was relatively uneventful....GF and I made gumbo, sensation salad, a delicious artichoke dip and some camel toe dessert candies.


Camel Toes. (see above)


It was my first time cooking gumbo despite the fact that I am 30 and from South Louisiana but, I must say, it was darn good. In fact, my GF said it was "the best gumbo ever...." She was probably just buttering me up so that she good get in some good snuggle time before the end of the year, but it worked. We drank some Veuve Cliquot as our celebratory beverage, danced around the living room with the dogs for a while, chatted with some strangers walking down the street and called it a night just before the clock struck 12. Some may say that was a really boring way to ring in the new year, but I thought it was perfect. Quiet, fun, good food and wine...what else could a girl ask for? Maybe a winning lottery ticket, but no such luck.

Today, the first day of the year, we have spend doing absolutely nothing. I think it's a darn fine way to start of 2007. Cheers everyone!

a day in the life.

Many of you may be wondering, what IS it like to live a day in the shoes of Mary Campbell, (worst. blogger. ever.)? Well, my friends, in celebration of the fact that I just purchased a digital camera with my GF that is both portable and takes video footage, I am going to invite you into what was an exciting, adventurous day for me, yesterday, the 28th of December.

It started with coffee....well, sort of...it started with my graceful GF spilling my perfect Caribou latte on the Creative Loafing...a piece of local literary genius. Luckily, I have a pretty good sense of humor plus I wear burn resistant drawers so no harm was done. After that, we headed off to PepBoys auto shop were a gas cap was purchased and I bought some tear gas...for my safety. Watch out midtown, I am now armed with rapist-repellent. After this exciting journey, we went to the mall. GF needed some makeup so we visited the local Clinique counter where some face beautifier was purchased...after this, we visited the restroom where we rested, I dried my hands with the paper toliet-seat protectors and GF forgot her recently purchased makeup in the restroom stall...only to be realized and hour later. We then headed to Banana Republic to check out the sales and I tried on a really sweet hat that was a mere $130.00. When I start making the green, watch out people...I am going to be on the edge of fashion. After that, we made our way to the food court where we feasted on Atlanta's finest culinary delights: make-shift lebanese food. At about 2 hours, my mall-tolerance begins to wane and we decided that departing from this cultural treat would be in our best interest...plus, it was getting late and we still had plans on playing tennis. I haven't played tennis in a while, but still managed to hang on to my tennis skirt from high school...I used to play a lot...and, as you can see, my game face is still pretty serious. I was definitely a force to be reckoned with, though my GF and her more zen-inspired moves did give me a run for my money. Today, however, I am suffering from some minor sports injuries including a hurt right butt cheek, a sore forearm, and blisters on my hands and feet. I will probably not require any medical care, but flowers, candy or singing telegrams are always welcome. I feel pretty certain I will be recovered and ready for another match pretty soon. Please stay tuned. After this, we went to Taqueria del Sol for dinner with Audrey. She left for New York today and we had to have some chips and salsa and a celebratory margarita to send her off appropriately. Dinner was fun, we advised Audrey on New York fashion, being careful of people who might slip a *mickey* in her drink in the big city and the fun of eating knish (an Eastern European snack food popular in Jewish communities. A knish consists of a filling covered with dough that is either baked or fried. Knishes can be purchased from street vendors in urban areas with a large Jewish population, sometimes on a hot dog stand). Afterwards, we took some fun pics in the parking lot. I wanted to do the *prom pose* with Audrey which is why I have the silly expression on my face. I also enjoy making bunny ears behind people when I take photos with them. That is something that, in my book, never gets old. The day ended with watching the movie Dumb and Dumber and a video interview with the new camera. Film footage to be debuted soon.

5 things.

Tagged From Debbie Millman
5 things you may not know about me (or want to).
1. When I was in high school, I dated a boy named Butch. You can imagine the irony of this for me as grown woman who now dates women.
2. I love junk. I have a borderline obesession. Thrift stores, discount *outlets*, salvation army stores, garage sales...any place that I could potentially unearth a priceless treasure.
3. As a kid I dreamed of being a veterinarian. I also wanted to live on a farm. As an adult, I have dreamed of being an actor, artist and teacher.
4. When I was a kid and my parents and I would drive across country on a road trip, I would search the night sky for UFOs...sometimes, I still do.
5. I LOVE trashy magazines like US Weekly, INtouch, and other periodicals that consist mostly of celebrity pictures.

Hard Candy Christmas.

Well, it's nearly Christmas...I am in Baton Rouge, with my family and they are all sick.

Great. Maybe I'll get a virus for Christmas.

So far, it's been a pretty uneventful trip. I've seen my friends, eaten too much food and had riveting conversations with my parents about what I am going to do when I finish school. My mother has, all of a sudden, developed this anxiety about the *demographics* of Atlanta. She is worried that I will not get a job because an equally qualified minority candidate might get it instead.

What?

I've never worried about this at all. I would like to get a job based on my merits, skills and talent...I pretty much feel like the right opportunity will present itself to me. But hey, she's a mom...it's her job as a conservative, republican white woman to worry about the aggressive minority population stealing opportunities away from the poor, disadvantaged white, upper-middle class, educated females of the world.

Alas, it is Christmas...the season for love, laughter, giving, and, most of all, tolerating family.

Happy Holidays everyone!

White and Nerdy.

Sometimes I feel like this. White. And. Nerdy.

WTF???

Click on the above to read.
I found this in the AJC this Sunday.
Here is the Left Behind website if you are curious for more info. Even I don't know what to say about this....

opportunity.

Well, I just completed 6th quarter....

Whew...

ONE (count em', o-n-e) quarter of *real classes* left. How time flies. Aud leaves for NYC for her 7th quarter and I will be without my design sidekick for the next 3 months. That sucks. I will be recruiting for a temporary sidekick for the next 3 months...an internship, if you will...please let me know if you are interested. Duties include inhaling compressed air, listening to my philosophical rants about the meaning of life, love and design, making sure my type is kerned properly and leaving pics of my celebrity crushes on my door. It's really quite the opportunity, if you ask me.

LOCUS

Here are some pics and a blurb (see below) of my big project this quarter....LOCUS.

In a post 9/11 world, we crave community, connection and intimacy with our friends and families. We are more fully aware of the transient nature of life and value our time and the quality of our experiences more than ever.
Locus strives to create an environment where people can spend time alone or enjoy time with friends and, additionally, take advantage of local and regional art, poetry readings and other cultural events.
Locus provides this third environment for individuals who want, not only a sense of community and a place to socialize, but also an opportunity to participate in the arts while still in a relaxed and comfortable environment.

Wanna Wrestle?

Hell yeah I wanna wrestle!!!
So, I found this on MY front door the other day while on my way to school...I wonder who could have put that on my door? Could it be my sneaky neighbor, Audrina? I may never know. Anywho...this is Mariska Hartigay...she is the female detective on Law and Order's SVU...and she is my number 1 celebrity crush.
Happy Tuesday Everyone.

Red Dog, Yard Explorer.

So, my GF (girlfriend) has a kick ass backyard that my beagle enjoys inspecting in detail. I thought, the other day, he might benefit from having a spelunker's headlamp to help him navigate the dense brush...plus, he tends to get lost frequently and has really poor listening skills...this may help us keep tabs on him.

Holidaze.

I have never been particularly good at letting go. Historically, I have been relatively rotten at it...life has a tendency to soften our edges and we find that we grow in ways we never thought possible when we are open to the lessons and open to the changes. For me, that has meant a struggle to be open to the absences, open to the losses that we incur along the way. To feel a void is always the most difficult because there is often an impulse to want to fill it...to make it whole again...and, sometimes, we simply have to be in the presence of absence. We have to sit in it, absorb it, allow ourselves to heal. I have learned the hard way that avoidance of this process only creates a stockpile of unresolved pain and emotion. There is no particular reason that I write this blog today...other than the fact that the holidays always remind me of who is in my life that is important. Perhaps, this year, I realize that sometimes the most important people to us are no longer a part of our day to day life. Feeling that void and also, understanding that we get to keep the gift of their love, their beauty, the mark they make on our heart...well, it makes things seem a little sweeter.

studio week.

Studio week is here. I really cannot believe that I am at the end of my second to last quarter at PC. This has been a most bizarre quarter...I'm ready for it to be over...I have hit a saturation point with my work, my attitude, my motivation and I am tapped out. I just want a break...to be away from all of it. I know I'll get past this funk and it is all part of the process (blah blah blah) but for now, this is where I am. I think it is time for an adventure completely unrelated to the world of design...a change of scenery...as much as I love and crave routine, I am yearning for a break from it. I want to see something new. I want to see something other than Peachtree Road and the walls of my apartment. I don't know what that is, but I know I want a change. I have a tendency to hyper-focus and push push push myself...then I hit a wall. I am face to face with that wall right now. I have no choice but to get through it and do my work regardless, but I fully intend to get into some sort of trouble over my break that will, hopefully, breathe new life into my soul.