Sunday, May 07, 2006

Consumer Hell.

Women should never go shopping when they are:
1. Tired
2. Suffering from a bad haircut
3. Having an "ugly day"
4. Having a "fat day"

Today, I decided to play with fire and go shopping while suffering all of the aforementioned conditions. Bad idea. I left the mall bitter, disgusted and ready to drink heavily and do recreational drugs... My first gripe is about shorts. I hate shorts. It is one part of summer that I dread. In fact, I hate all clothes that are summer clothes, but especially shorts. First of all, there are no shorts for women that are an appropriate length. You either have shorts that barely cover the crotch or you have knickers. Neither of these work for me. Both of these options look absolutely stupid on my body and I cannot seem to figure out why this trend has begun. Maybe most women have far more "leg confidence" than I do...I don't know....but it is damn near impossible to find normal length shorts that are cute. Even the GAP has sold me out. Bastards.

My next gripe is about fitting rooms. So there is a store in Atlanta called's a pretty cool can find some nice things at discounted prices...everybody's happy. Except when you go to try something on (imagine the sound of a car crashing). For some odd reason, the good folks at Loehman's think that us girls like to gather round family style and try on clothes in front of one another. Um, no...we don't. They have communal fitting rooms...what the fuck? I just don't get it. Why would anyone think this is a good idea? It is just plain fucking dumb. Not only do you rush in and rush out as fast as humanly possible, you are surrounded by mirrors reflecting not only your image back at you but every other woman's image that is in this clothes corral. The whole experience was just plain traumatizing.

So as I contemplate how to roll a heroin cigarette and pour my 10th martini, let me suggest staying away from retail stores when you can check off even just one of those conditions mentioned at the beginning...


aud said...

I had the same experience yesterday. I hate the lighting in dressing rooms as well. They seem to put the most unflattering lights in which you go home feeling like shit and need to workout before you ever put on your new summer tank top. AE has some cute shorts that I think you might like. They are a great length, I was tempted to buy them yesterday.

minus five said...

i'm dreading the purchase of shorts this summer as well. i'll let you know if i find any that are worth a crap.

i've never seen these communal dressing rooms you speak of. i don't think i would be such a fan of that either.

the bonus about feeling like crap and looking like crap when you shop is that nobody bothers you because they don't think you have any money. so i usually make a point to look as bad as possible when i have money to spend.

Tania Rochelle said...

I don't try clothes on at the store. The dressing room lights cast an optical illusion wherein I have cellulite, scars, blotches and freckles I don't have in my mirrors at home. That's bullshit.

I just buy the skirts and takes my chances.