Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Why illness is bad for design.

The number one thing that sucks about being sick is the following: I have been reading a lot of blogs...blogs I don't normally read...and, as a result, I know what Brittany Spear's vagina looks like. Ouch. People...this is not for the faint of heart.

On the other hand, I have spent a lot of time doing some real, fine soul searching. I have compiled a list of my top 10 germ-induced ponderings.

1. Am I a good designer.
2. Should I be a designer.
3. Do I really think that design can impact the world?
4. Am I ever going to pay off these massive student loans?
5. Am I a good designer.
6. Am I a good designer.
7. Am I a good designer.
8. Am I a good designer.
9. Am I a good designer.
10. Am I a good designer.

In light of some current events in my life, I am probably questioning these things more than usual. The lesson for me: realizing that my confidence and the belief in what I do must come from within...no one else can be responsible for this but me. It is so seductive when someone else believes in you, pushes you, inspires you to do good work. It is truly a beautiful thing when we realize that this comes from a pure place...a place untainted by want, need, or some an ulterior motivation. That is the most amazing gift one can give...it is the only reason to give in the first place because you are giving without the expectation of receiving. We live in such a *what can you do for me* society...everything comes with a price, a condition. It really is unfortunate. I try to see the lesson in everything in life...I believe that all adversity is opportunity to grow, to change, to push beyond oneself. I'm not always happy about it...often, I am pissed off about it because I don't want to change or I think I am not ready to learn, but we are rarely handed circumstances that we are incapable of managing. I guess life is analogous to learning to ride a bike. We are given training wheels for only so long...then, they must come off. Inevitably, we are unsure of our ability when this happens...we are scared, unsteady and wanting of the security and balance we once knew, but, at this point, it is about trust. We have to learn to trust our ability, what we have learned and what we know. Plus, we must believe in who we are. We must have confidence to go forward, knowing we will be *okay.*

So, perhaps, my training wheels have, reluctantly, been removed and now it is time for me to really prove to myself that I am in exactly the right place at exactly the right time for the absolute right reasons.


1 comment:

minus five said...

sometimes people are just assholes. that's why you've got to know what you know about yourself despite the rest of them. or just do drugs so that you don't care. either way, really.