Thursday, February 08, 2007


I have never been one of these people who looks forward to Spring. I am a Fall girl. I love the colors, the clothes, the chill in the air. Fall has always had more energy to it than Spring. In fact, I have been known to get slightly depressed with in the onset of Spring. A funny thing happened to me on my run, yesterday. I got excited when I felt the anticipation of Spring around me. I realized that I hate coming home at 7pm and it being dark outside. I hate even more the fact that, as a very cold-natured person, I nearly freeze to death on dog walks in the fall and winter (even here in Atlanta....yeah, I am a wimp). In fact, there is nothing I like about the cold weather except for scarves, sweaters, and fires in the fireplace. Other than that, I am a miserable wimp when it comes to anything below 60 degrees.

This year, however, is different. Spring is full of excitement and MUCH anticipation. Anticipation of finishing school (in 6 months!!), anticipation of finding a job that I will enjoy, anticipation of really continuing on this journey that started for me 2 years ago and I have a tendency to get overwhelmed with all of the anticipating. I obsessively worry about it. I chew and chew and chew on things until I have thought them to death. Oh, and I don't sleep. Yes, that is my favorite part. Not getting restful sleep because I wake up and worry. I worry about things that I have no control over and I worry about things that I should have control over but do not. I worry until my head is pounding and my eyes are burning...and I worry about my worrying. I realize that I am worrying too much and I worry about how to stop worrying. If you are thinking that this sounds ridiculous, it is. Does anything ever get accomplished with all of this worrying? Not often. So, my goal for this Spring is to learn new ways to *relax.* I am not someone who easily turns her brain off. I am constantly thinking about what I could/should/or would (rather be) doing. I am either thinking small can I organize my closet to be more efficient or how can I change the world or what kind of business would I start if I could or should I eat chicken or beef for dinner....oh, and that is all happening at the same time.

It has been suggested that I start meditating. Running is like meditation for me. I can completely relax, turn off my brain, use my body and let my mind go. The only problem is that, thanks to years of abusing my body, I have really shitty knees that make a revolting crunching noise when I run. Surely, this is not good. I know it is not but I *sort of * refuse to heed the warnings of nature and insist upon continuing to run. I'll work on that...add it to my list. I'll probably start worrying about that, too.

In the meantime, at the top of my list of things to do is to learn how to stay fully in the present and not worry about those things over which I have no control. I'll get right to that...

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