It is interesting to me the challenges that we face as human beings to discover our authentic selves. By this I mean, that truest core essence of who we are. Do I believe that most of us have any idea who we really are? Actually, no, I do not. I believe that most of us are trying our hardest to find happiness by living within the "options" that we believe we have to choose from. Those options are provided to us courtesy of friends, family, mentors, bosses, society, culture. Rarely, do these options provide us with the real answers. The truth, the reality of who we are lies deep within US. That means, we cannot look outside of ourselves to find the answers...to find our truth. As Hank says, "the answer to the question always lies within the question." We are our own archeologists. It is our mission to unearth the core of who we are and then we can embark on our true path in life. Then we start making the life choices that reflect this core. It has been my observation this past week that some people who, perhaps, have our best interest at heart, may put their agenda for us ahead of any agenda we may have for our own life. All of this is fine except that when the agendas do not match up and NO conversation has taken place about the mission and direction of the journey at hand, tension builds. All I ask is for dialogue. Communication. Ultimately, I get to decide. I get to make the choice to go down this road or that road. It is about staying true to my life, my path, MY choices...which, by the way, I own COMPLETELY. My choices, my behavior, my success, my failure, I own. And that is a beautiful thing...and I thank and love those willing to be a part of this amazing journey.
14 comments:
Mary, your blogs keep me up at night.
you're an inspiration... and yes with your BIG arse vocabulary. It is so true that only we can decide our future but sometimes I believe that things are put in front of us to challenge and test us no matter how much we argue with it. I truely think it will be for the best this time. I'm right here with ya girl and you say it lies deep within us... how do we go about finding that identity. It's tough.
i've got a good quote for you, but it's at home. i'll post it up here later if i remember. i don't think we ever find the answers to any of those big questions, but it's the constant search for them that makes up our lives. the wrong turns, the mistakes, closed and open eyes; we make the best choices we know how to make at the time. it's what makes life beautiful, even when it's not.
"you are so young, so before all beginning, and i want to beg you, as much as i can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now."
-rainer maria rilke
Thanks Audrey. You rock! I don't know how we find the answers except that when we are willing to sit still with the questions long enough to allow the "noise" of our lives (ie, the external voices that talk at us and to us all day long) to die down, then we begin to hear ourselves.
I, personally, gain satisfaction knowing I keep Roger up at night...even if I cannot trick him into eating bacon.
Thanks, Sarah, great quote. It is said that we are to "enjoy the journey" which is to enjoy the questions and the process that we go through to answer the questions. That, is living in the moment. That is life. And you are right, it does make life beautiful even when it is not because it is opportunity to grow and to become more fully who we are intended to be...and that shit aint easy.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, I remind you: YOU chose to be in that class.
The fact that you wanted out--afterward--doesn't change that.
Much love always and always,
T
And I am reminded of a great bumper sticker that reads "If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you still have one?"
And I'm reminded of a quote by Mark Twain:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did."
Changing your mind is one thing; signing a contract, making a commitment, and going back on your word is another altogether.
I'm not trying to be a hardass here. I love you. But let's acknowledge the whole truth in this situation.
The truth of the matter is this. Not one bit of my "issue" has a bit to do, REALLY, with Hank's class and my decision to be or not be in it. That entire incident is merely an illustration of a larger "issue" that I have struggled to reconcile in my life. I can admit that...AND, that is another blog for another day.
Great stuff, all of it. And I can't believe you designed that image. I'm right there, almost drew that myself. Working on a book about CHOICE in the frame of those "Choose your own adventure" books from the past. The events will be based on some in my life and the ultimate choices I made which have led to where and who I am today. After all, its our choices that build our character. We are all just characters in this dramedy of life. (Tania, that's my 'memoir' we talked about late last quarter)
Sorry, Mary. I guess I misunderstood. I'll stay out of this from now on.
mary your blogs are getting so lame. there is nothing wrong with talking about bodily fluids, as andre serrano would have to agree. so what's your story?
Ah those choices. Thank god I get to make them in the first place, yet I curse the responsibility of having to do so. Just think of the promises of change and the freedom that comes with each choice. The concept of "next" is what makes life so bearable. Next means I get to try again.
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