Sunday, July 23, 2006

Anonymous.


My recent anonymous blogger comment generated so much banter on my site that I decided, why not just tackle this one head on? I have no obligation to respond and yet the comment reminded me of something that I forget so often...something that I have spent a good part of my life punishing myself for: being human and fucking up.

Just to recap, here was the original comment:

"perhaps the universe is trying to send u a message about being broken, mary. about what you have broken. about what you have left for others to pick up and be cut up by what is left. what do you think? what do you honestly feel? do not reply if you are going to give a "psychobabble" answer."

First, I want to address the part about being broken. Those of us with hope in the world and ourselves, those of us who believe in a higher power, those of us who look for meaning in our lives, our feelings, our thoughts and our behavior are NOT broken. Broken is a state of being reserved for those of us who have given up. Being "broken" is not about failures, struggles, or getting, being and staying lost for any period of time. If that were true, we would all be broken.

Have I made major mistakes, hurt people very badly, fucked up ROYALLY? yes. Without a doubt. What I think is that sometimes we make choices that have to do with our own survival. We make choices out of fear. We make really tough choices because we believe we have no other options... Does that make it okay, good, bad, anything? No. It just makes life real, raw, beautiful, gritty, unpredictable, scary, and even, ugly, at times.

I wish I could spare myself and anyone I come into contact with the possibility of pain, fear, rejection, and hurt but it is impossible. That is the risk we take by being social creatures. When we share any part of ourselves with another person, when we give something of ourselves to someone else, we risk that it may hurt if things change, if they go away, if we are rejected. That, I would venture to say, is the nature of vulnerability; it is the willingness to risk being hurt and to feel pain.

I would also suggest that nothing in life is ever as simple as it appears...that there are often layers of complexity that factor into any situation. Especially when it comes to relationships (of any kind). If my anonymous poster would like to reveal his or her identity, I would be happy to talk to him or her about any aspect of my choices and/or behavior. I have no shame nor anything to hide.

12 comments:

Tania Rochelle said...

Isn't it strange, too, that an anonymous comment can knock you off kilter? And that the thought of someone sitting on your blog for hours, stewing in their venomous thoughts, waiting for the next opportunity to swing...

It's scary that they're too cowardly to simply email you directly, which would require they reveal their identity...

okaydave said...

Yeah, this is why I don't like comments. I used to have them for my site a when it first started, and stopped because of a) anonymous entries, b) half the comments ended up being either mini-debates (all it takes is one negative comment and then everyone else feels compelled to stick up for you), and c) it made writing seem more like a popularity contest than just something to do for fun (0 comments? Nobody likes me!).

Although I do like the community aspect comments can add (a site like SpeakUp in particular), I prefer direct one-on-one communication through email (but even then, I still get anonymous hatemail).

Tania Rochelle said...

Dang, Dave! If YOU get hate mail, I don't feel so bad.

Who could hate the samurai?

minus five said...

i hate the samurai. i send him hate mail all the time via email AND the post.

i like the comments section. unless someone is mean. then i just delete them. i know its surprising that somebody could hate me.

MCALDWELLC said...

I think some people just like to drop verbal bombs for the sake of stirring the proverbial pot. What a waste. I just like having intelligent and/or funny conversation...why can't everybody just be like me?

minus five said...

mary, i ask myself why everyone can't be like me all the time. so far, i haven't gotten an answer.

Anne-Davnes said...

I don't think my ego is strong enough to survive a blog without comments. I thrive on feedback, even though I write for fun. It's the conversation I value and feedback. It makes the internet feel more like my living room.

I've never gotten any really nasty comments on my blog. Although I have deleted petty criticisms. I think what's cool about your blog is that you can create this kind of virtual environment where you control the pace, the mood, etc. It's like a little conversational experiment to see how people respond. And I love it when it takes on a life of its own - though any nasty players, little spineless girls and boys who don't play fair, who bully, who pinch, who puff themselves up to be bigger than the rest - get kicked off the playground for acting like children in the first place. :-)

minus five said...

yeah, i couldn't do a blog without comments. tania definitely couldn't. this might be a difference between girls and boys. i would rather think that than think dave might somehow be cooler than us.

MCALDWELLC said...

There is no WAY Dave is cooler that we are. We are the coolest bloggers around. I've done the research, I've read other blogs...we ladies rule the blogging world...it's a fact. Just wait until Audrey and I figure out how to upload our very informative and entertaining video interviews for your viewing pleasure...it's going to be out of control. We are going to be more popular than Spam and tuna fish sandwiches.

okaydave said...

Yeah, it might be a guy/girl thing...I never thought of it that way before.

And I'm so not cool. Unless you count beating the 150cc mirror track of Rainbow Road in Mario Kart as cool.

Tania Rochelle said...

Dave, honey, you're so cool you're kewl.

minus five said...

oh, tania, vomit. quit kissing dave's ass.