Tuesday, July 25, 2006

NOT sorry.


Tania's blog inspired me to post this piece that I did a few year ago. The thing about painting versus writing is that, once a piece is created, it can never REALLY be re-created. Sure, you can make a print, but the texture, feeling, rawness (is that a word?) of a piece is lost in translation. Once I give away or sell a piece...it is GONE.

There are a few pieces that I have chosen to keep because they were so profoundly personal...I couldn't imagine anyone else owning them. This is one of those pieces.

I did this when I was with CJ, the woman I was with for (almost) four years prior to moving to Atlanta. My relationship with her was one of the most beautiful, loving and profoundly important relationships that I have had to date. It was also one of the most complicated relationships because of extenuating circumstances, family, and other things too numerous to mention.

We truly had to walk through fire to be with one another. We both made some serious sacrifices because we loved each other and we wanted to be together. We both believed that love WOULD conquer all...and it didn't. What a hard lesson to learn. Probably the most painful and gut wrenching lesson that the world has to offer.

This piece, however, was done in the beginning...before life, stress, and fear had worn us down to nothing. It is about NOT apologizing. Not apologizing for who you are, what you feel, who you love, how you love and how you choose to express that. The truth is that I will never apologize for living honestly and fearlessly AND I believe it is my duty to chronicle my life experiences though my art.

4 comments:

cla said...

in the corner of your beautiful painting, it says "without fear" - is that ever possible? is it even desirable? i think we are biologically hard-wired to feel fear, a warning system of sorts that lets us know our survival, our self-preservation is at risk. that doesn't mean we become ruled or directed by fear nor should we ignore the warning, but rather simply consider it and choose wisely, with no future need for regret.

"if fear be my constant companion, let me tame him, learn his language, and make him my servant rather than my master."

MCALDWELLC said...

So true, Cindy. I think the key is to feel the fear and do it anyway...your quote expresses that idea. If there were no fear, then there would be no courage. If there were no risk then the rewards would be inconsequential.

Maybe it all goes back to the theory of relativity. Understanding one's relationship to an event or situation is what gives the experience meaning and value. Perhaps that is why we often time seek experiences opposite to who we are, so that we can more clearly define ourselves.

Maybe I'm not making a lick of sense...who knows.

Anne-Davnes said...

This is one of my faves of your work. Now I know why.

MCALDWELLC said...

Thanks, Anne! I may start posting more of my work and explaining the story behind it...I always love knowing what motivates an artist to create and what a piece is really about...it adds so much more meaning and depth to the work.