Weekend Madness!!!

This is going to be a throw-down weekend for me.
My sister and mom are coming to visit...it is their semi-annual "Mary Check-up."

Things that will be a disppointment to them:
1. I am still gay.
2. I am still not painting still lifes and landscapes
3. I still curse. A lot.
4. I am still a registered Democrat/Independent and dislike GW.
5. I am still gay.

Things that they will be excited about:
1. I am single
2. I have very cute apartment.
3. I am happy.
4. I am doing well in school.
5. I may actually be employed by something other than a restaurant in several months.
6. I am single.

You see, my family and I get along "great." We enjoy each other's company, like to go out to eat together, appreciate the arts...it's a beautiful life. What is beneath that, though, is like Pandora's box. Emotional topics are OFF LIMITS. Talking about things that are REAL or express something of substance...I think we'd all rather drink bleach than reveal ourselves to one another.

It is strange for me because I really try not to have those kind of relationships with people I am close to now. In fact, I don't have those kind of relationships anymore. It is too hard to keep everything neatly tucked away in it's little box, only to be taken out on certain occassions...like when Hell freezes over.

Then there are those things...those little emotional landmines that we are careful to step around...like the fact that my sister is "friends" with my ex who was mean, manipulative and abusive during the course of our relationship (and, especially, afterwards)....or my ex of 4 years who they did not acknowledge, wouldn't speak to or look at if they saw us together in public...we avoid that topic as much as possible...they never even asked if we had broken up or what had happened when I moved here...without her. We just smile, talk about the weather, pretend that those things are JUST NOT THERE. I hold that space of invisibility just as much as they do. It's really quite fucked up.

But, alas, there are fresh flowers in my apartment, the temperature is perfect outside and we have reservations at a lovely restaurant for my special birthday dinner. Maybe ignorance is bliss...but I doubt it.

Poetry Reading at Tech.

For those of you unfortunate enough to miss Tania's poetry reading yesterday afternoon at Georgia Tech, well, you really F*&e@#'d up. To be honest with my gentle readers, I was not particularly fired up about hearing the other poets...despite the fact that I would consider myself to be above average in intelligence, a good deal of poetry goes straight over my head. I had read Tania's work before, was familiar with the content and was excited to hear her speak, however...so felt that possibly subjecting myself to an hour's worth of literary confusion would be well worth it.

I was right.

Once, a friend told me, after we had visited a gallery opening together and she had seen me looking at the work and talking to the artist that she felt she had witnessed me "in my element." I wasn't totally sure what she had meant but interpreted it as meaning...I'm an artist...artists like art....we were in an art gallery...I was an artist in an art gallery looking at art. It all fits.

It was exciting to see another artist in HER element yesterday.

In the past year at PC, I have struggled with the issue of disclosing personal things in my design work...putting my joy and pain into my work...I really couldn't tell you why because my art is full of it, but there is something about having to defend one's work to a panel and disclose things that are sensitive, difficult or personal that just about sends me over the edge.

I have a new level of respect for Tania because she, with confidence, grace and humor creates amazing work from all of these things of her life...without apology, without softening the blow of her truth to her audiences, she puts it out there and people get it...her words resonate with people because they are real and beautiful...they convey a truth that, although reflects Tania's individual experience, reflects a truth many of us understand and have experienced. Perhaps, now, I understand why you can never be "too personal" (as Hank likes to say)...because it is the most authentic and powerful way one can communicate...Tania's reading is proof of this.

So...for those of you who have not heard Tania speak or were DUMB enough to miss yesterday...SHAME on you...it was fantastic. Plus, she had a kick ass dress that I fully intend to steal when I kidnap her child, Lola.

20 questions.

What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
cheese

If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
my stomach would be made perfect.

What's one thing you like to do alone?
paint, write, read.

Do you have a fear?
many...too many sometimes.

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
I talk too much.

Do you know anyone famous?
Not yet.

Describe your bed.
I built it.

What do you carry with you at all times?
my sense of humor.

How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
a LOT.

What color is your bedroom?
off white

What was the last song you were listening to?
Lovely Rita (The Beatles)

Have you ever been in love?
Yes

Do you talk a lot?
Yes

Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Yes, most of the time...I'd say 90% of the time.

What is your ideal marriage location?
Someplace where it's legal

Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
I wish I could sing

What smell do you find sexy.
clean, just showered...or sleepy morning smell.

How do you eat an apple
with my mouth...probably like a horse would.

What do you order at a bar?
dirty ketel one martini or stoli and cranberry with a splash of soda

What's one trait you hate in a person?
pretentiousness

What kind of watch do you wear?
one that is currently broken.

Do you consider yourself materialistic?
sometimes...I am brand loyal...and I love things...but things do not define me...so...you do the math

What do you cook the best?
Pizza.

Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Stand out....of course.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
probably not.

What's one car you will never buy?
Hummer

If you won the lottery, what would you do?
Travel, have a fabulous studio somewhere quiet and beautiful, give money to animal rescue organizations.

What's one thing you're a loser at?
dancing. singing.

Do you cry in front of your friends?
not if I can help it

What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?
social, outgoing, gregarious...

Are you a lover or a fighter?
lover

When's the last time someone made you cry?
recently enough.

Favorite communication method?
face-to-face...wherever.

How many drinks before you're tipsy?
depends on what I'm drinking.

Who do you wish you talked to more?
"god"

Weekend Fun!

This should be a very exciting weekend for me!
There are two very cool things going on in the city of Hotlanta.
1. I am going to personally meet Debbie Millman's new best friend, Minus 5.
and
2. Southern Comfort.
I know what you all are thinking, Southern Comfort? Isn't that Bourbon? A rather odd thing to celebrate, even for a girl from south Louisana. Alas, it is not what you think. Southern comfort is the WOLRD'S LARGEST TRANSGENDERED PERSON'S CONFERENCE and it is held here in the mighty city of Atlanta. Yes, folks, that's right...women that look like Bea Arthur are going to be running rampant the streets of Midtown...I may have a date by the weekend, yet.

It seems that M5 thinks we don't know why she is REALLY coming down here...she thinks WE think she's coming to hear Tania read poetry...but I found this pic on the internet...and I think it's time she just tell the world...she's the queen of Southern Comfort 2006.

a beautiful quote.

(typographic interpretation courtesy of Hank)

Recommended Fall Reading.

I'm reading this book, "The Year of Magical Thinking."
It's amazing.
I cried in public (at the park) while reading it today.
That, my friends, is unprecedented behavior for this Virgo...granted, I had sunglasses on and was far away from other human beings...but there were small bugs in the grass all around me...making me very conscious of myself the entire time.
It is basically (so far...I'm half-way through it) about this woman's grief process in the year following her husband's death...I know...not totally uplifting, but seriously good.

Here's a little taste to pique your interest:
"Life changes fast.
Life changes in an instant.
You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends."

Isn't that the truth? We all believe-on some level-that there is no fragility to this existence of ours. That life is not a gift but a given, but the truth is that everything is terribly, frighteningly in delicate balance. We take love for granted when we have it. We take friends for granted when they are with us. We take time for granted when we have it. We don't take enough time because we are always reaching for the next thing. All of this makes me want to slow down even more...really absorb each minute of this amazing life we are given. Be more patient with myself, with life, with all of it. Be more present with everything and everyone in my life. Imagine what life could be like if more people dared to live in the present...fully concsious and aware in the present? Amazing, I would imagine...pretting friggin' amazing.

Take me out....

So I went to a Braves game last night...let me just start by saying that I am not a sports person. Though I enjoy the social aspects of going to a game, hanging out with friends and the hotdog and beers that they sell for outrageous amounts of money, I haven't a CLUE how these games work. I like to watch tennis and women's basketball. I understand these two sports...somewhat. This is my friend, Emily, trying to school me on the finer nuances of Major League Baseball. Now that I've given all of my sports disclaimers, there is something really exciting about living in a city that actually has a professional sports team where you can go and see the game for $5 on a Friday night, watch fireworks and do some seriously good people watching. This guy was my favorite. .He had on this lovely straw hat, these very preppy white glasses and sat with his hands folded the entire time. I don't know if he was "all there" if you know what I mean, but I enjoyed that he could sit alongside the mulleted redneck pounding Budweisers screaming obscenities at the players and not seem out of place. The only bad thing that happened was that, when we went to purchase our beers, I was NOT asked for my ID. Audrey says that is because they only need to see 2 ids when one purchases beer, but I think she was just trying to make me feel better. I've only been 30 a week and already, the aging has begun...I saw wrinkles the other day..

Ann Richards

"Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels."

Former Texas governor, Ann Richards, died today...an amazing woman...strong, confident, funny, intelligent and real. "Her persona was always unconventional. When she was nearly 60, a grandmother and governor of Texas, Richards took to riding a Harley-Davidson motorcycle because, she said, "I thought I needed to do something kind of jazzy."" (quote courtesy of CNN.com).

Read more about Ann Richards

september 11.

These are a few of the pieces I did after September 11, 2001.

Conversation with the Atlanta Police.

The other night, Audrey discovered her window was "busted out"...another miracle on 4ths street....and I, having gotten back into my Law and Order groove, decided to investigate. If you go to Audrey's Blog you can see the damage to her car...clearly, this was a different kind of break in. When the helpful policeman arrived at the scene 2 HOURS LATER, this was our conversation...

(helpful policeman is looking over the car)

MC: so, I think the thing that concerns us is that there appears to be a bullet hole in the rear-view mirror.

(helpful policeman continues to peruse the backseat, examining the shattered remains of Aud's window)

HP: did you find any rocks in the back seat?

MC: rocks? No, but we did find what appears to be a BULLET HOLE in the rear view mirror

(helpful policeman continues to work his way through the entire backseat and floor of aud's car.)

HP: hmmm

(I am starting to get annoyed...thinking I may get really sarcastic in about 5 seconds....so I walk around to the front of the car, open the passenger side door, and POINT to the rear-view mirror...perhaps, our helpful public servant is unfamiliar with what the rear view mirror actually is)

MC: THIS (pointing at the hole) is what I'm referring to.

HP: hmmm. That does look like it could be a bullet hole.

(jesusmotherfuckingchrist...that's because IT IS A BULLET HOLE)

So, after, we finally convince the policeman that, indeed, Audrey's car has been shot and that this damage was not caused by a rock-hurling street person, we have the following conversation.

MC: so, this is the 3rd car to have a window busted out/shot-up in the past 2 weeks. I would say this constitutes somewhat of a pattern. do you have any idea who could be doing this?

HP: probably the homeless people on the street

MC: homeless people? (please note a hint of sarcasm)

HP: yes, homeless people.

MC: what would the motivation be for a homeless person to randomly break a person's window?

HP: I don't know, they are on crack.

MC: oh, okay. all homeless people are on crack. I didn't know that.

(helpful policeman goes to his car to write something down)

HP: no, all homeless people are not on crack but they break into cars to steal cds, loose change, anything they can use on the street for cash

MC: I understand that. What is confounding in this particular situation is that nothing has been stole from these cars. Plus, there is a bullet hole in aud's window. (one more time, folks, just for emphasis) a BULLET HOLE.

HP: I don't know...could be a career criminal...looking for stereos, DVD players...

MC: yeah, but NOTHING was taken from these cars...and then there is the BULLET HOLE.

HP: I don't know...be safe ladies and have a good night.

MC: hrrmpf.

Fall.

Today I woke up to a MOST beautiful morning. You see, I am one of these freaky people who don't really like Spring...but I LOVE FALL. Fall is my favorites season for the following reasons:
open windows at night
long walks with my dogs in the park
leaves changing color
ENJOYING hot coffee
sweaters
jackets
scarves
LSU football
snuggling (with my dogs, that is)
Christ, that sounds like a cheesy personal ad....
There is so much energy in the air during fall...I can't get enough of it...and it is finally here...I am 30 and I have a t.v. Life is good. I guess the irony to my love of the fall is that I HATE being cold...and being cold is just around the corner, but in the spirit of living life in the present, I will just enjoy the pending jacket-requiring-temperature weather.

30's accomplishments.

Well...I have to say, since I've turned 30, I have accomplished A LOT.

Here is a short list:
1. I purchased memory for my computer AND installed it myself...without crashing the hard drive or losing any important files.

2. I purchased a T.V... It has been a year since I've had a T.V, but I finally broke down and got one. I miss watching the news and law and order SVU plus I got a pretty good deal on it and it looks pretty sweet in the bookshelves I built.


3. I have nearly finished ALL of my projects for this quarter...and critiques are a little less than 1 week away. That means I will be sleeping the night before critques...something I haven't done since 2nd quarter.

You all may be wondering what exciting things I did on my 30th birthday...well, I have to say...it's a little disappointing. I had plans to go out to dinner with friends, but stayed at school all day working, came home and took a nap. Upon waking, I realized I was too tired to do anything...stayed in, ordered pizza with Aud and her pal, Emily, and drank some wine that Hank so generously gave me for the big 3-0. He also (c/o Audrey) gave me these beautiful flowers...they have blossomed in the past day and are absolutely stunning. Fresh flowers always make me happy. Actually, I am really a pretty simple person...I really like simple, thoughtful gestures. I get myself the things I need...and the big things I want...what I want from the people in my life is simple gestures that let me know I am loved and accepted just the way I am. I know I'm not the easiest person in the world...I am fickle, sometimes VERY reclusive, analytical, easily irritated by ignorance...I can be a big pain. But the people I have in my life...well, I know they love me...for all of those annoyances and all of the good stuff, too.

So, all in all, it's been a pretty kick ass week. I feel great about the work I've done this quarter...my dogs are sleeping right next to me as I write this, and I'm getting ready to watch Law and Order SVU.

Goodbye 29, Hello 30.

Well, it's offically over. My 20's are a thing of the past. Today, I cross the threshold...yes folks, I made it. Please send cash or any other tokens of celebration directly to me at your soonest convenience....thankyouverymuch.

The Virgin is highly discriminating, but not necessarily as prudish at some might believe. You Virgos are known for your ability to be highly discriminating -- especially when it comes to matters of personal desire. When you are ready, however, to say yes, the laser-like focus of your passion is anything but prudish.

Virgos have the uncanny sense to see what's wrong with a person, a situation or your environment. It's why you make such natural critics. Your practical analytical abilities are second to none. Your mental process may not be the most creative, but your razor-like thinking is highly effective. You separate the useful wheat from the unneeded chafe, the good from the bad. You might be a "clean freak," but most Virgos have a messy closet somewhere or a disaster under their bed.

Your motto could be "Perfect is almost good enough." On one hand, this trait makes you very employable, for you're not likely to do shabby work. On the other hand, you can be so finicky that you put limitations on your interactions and experiences before they happen. You'll be happier if you can learn to be selectively less critical, both of others and yourself.

8 hours and counting.

There are approximately 8 hours left for me and my 20's. Tomorrow, I turn 30.

Birthdays have never been a big deal to me...some people get all kinds of worked up over how much attention is paid to them on this one day, but not me. It makes me a bit uncomfortable when people do things for me. I have always enjoyed quiet celebrations with a few friends, some good wine and carrot cake on my birthday. I love carrot cake. It's an odd "favorite cake," but it's mine. When I approach a birthday, I, perhaps, get into a more contemplative mood. I think about the year that has passed, where I was last year, what I hoped this year would bring and what I think will happen in the following year. I remember, years ago, thinking that when I would turn 30, I would have a great job, financial security, maybe a significant relationship...and none of that has happened, but that's okay. I am on my way...finally, on the path to seeing some of that come to fruition.

On a lighter note, I went on a mini-shopping trip today to get some more memory for my computer. I also stopped by the Gap and few other clothing stores...now I know why I like white and black shirts with jeans....becuause the clothes out there are so UGLY. All I wanted was a tailored black button down shirt that didn't cost 1 million dollars. No such luck. Why are clothes so expensive even though the material they are made with is so friggin' cheap? Can someone please tell me the answer to this?

(less than 8 hours left now...)

Type 3 Saturday.

So I spent the ENTIRE day doing my type 3 book with Audrey today.
Approximately 3000 lines...each made perfect...an OCD's person's dream.
My nightmare.
Today was all about self-discipline.
My eyes are bleeding.
I am tired.
I feel whiney.
and did I mention, that I'm tired, too?
I know it's high time I got a life.
I am losing my social skills...
I wish there was a way I could fix the rag on this blog entry.
Did I mention that I am going to wrap Audrey's door in saran wrap and twine the day of critiques?
THAT is going to be so much fun.
I know she thinks I am kidding, but I'm not.
I just hope she has a sharp X-acto knife handy when she attempts to leave her apartment.

Lazy Friday.

When my two loving dogs are not busy eating my books, peeing on my most prized posessions or barking incessantly at the postal workers, they are quiet and ridiculously cute. It's a hard, hard life for these pups.