First Love.

So my friend, Diana and I were talking last night about all manner of topics as we often do. There is no such thing as a linear conversation when I am a participant...happily, Diana goes right along and, somehow, manages to track me without missing a beat. Not an easy task, I can assure you. How lucky I am to have such an amazing friend and neighbor.

I digress, however...so I was talking about my horse, Lovey. I had Lovey from the time I was 12 to when I was 17 and graduated from high school. Lovey was my first real relationship. I had never realized that until last night. I had never realized that I learned how to trust and love unconditionally with the help of a 1500 pound animal that I poured my heart and soul into. When I first got Lovey, we had some major battles...she was very "spirited" (in the world of horses, we call that "un-broken") and, together, we had to learn all about each other. Neither of us were trusting souls...she and I were extremely anxious and bolted at the mere scent of danger. Literally. I fell off of her probably 12 times in the first 2 months I had her. She would "spook" at something, I would panic, she would run, I would fall. It was a beautiful dance we participated in. I hung in there, though...thanks to a trainer that belived in me more than I could ever have possibly believed in myself and, consistently, put my feet to the fire. I was not allowed to let my fear control me and she made it very clear that if I wanted to do that, she was not going to be a part of it. Plain and simple.

Many people think that riding horses is a sport, but it is a relationship. There must be trust between horse and rider. Once I was able to relax and guide Lovey, she was able to relax and allow me to guide her. She learned to trust me. That was huge for me because, in the process, I learned to trust myself. I had to go beyond my own fear. I loved Lovey more than any other soul on the earth...I would, literally, have conversations with her about life, what I was thinking about, what I was worried about and she, patiently, would sit and listen. Okay, so she had no choice, because she was tied to a fence, but I would like to remember her as a patient listener.

I rode horses for 10 years. From the time I was 8 years old until I graduated high school. I haven't ridden since and I miss it more profoundly than I miss many things in my life. It was the first thing I was really good at. Last I heard, Lovey was 22! She was 5 when I got her...I can only imagine what a beautiful soul she evolved into. I don't know if she is still living...I don't really know if I want to know. Part of me always wants to remember her as the spirited creature that changed my life and who I am; I don't really want to know when she passes...and yet, there is a part of me that thinks I will somehow know when she does.