Friday, February 03, 2006

It is amazing how the universe brings us people, experiences, challenges at precisely the time when we need them. I have found that, ALWAYS, when I am stuck personally or professionally, something or someone crosses my path and I am given exactly what I need to proceed with faith and confidence. Wow. That is amazing. You know, some people might say that I am not a faithful person...most of those people believe that due to the frequency at which the word "fuck" shows up in my vocabulary. On the contrary, my vocabulary is quite large...I have several dictionaries and thesauri of "difficult words," but "fuck" just happens to be one of my favorites. I digress, however. It is remarkable to me how misunderstood the concept of faith is in our society. So many people believe that it is through a rigid, fear-based interpretation of the Bible and Christianity that one becomes a faithful person...that, basically, we are scared into believing that there may be something bigger than itty bitty us out there. What is amazing to me is that, somehow, in this process, the truth of Jesus is completely lost; his message of compassion, forgiveness and not judging becomes invisible as this message is filtered through the evangelical, religious-right mentality. What a waste.

I cannot, personally, imagine living with fear being the primary motivational force for any action in my life. Perhaps, because I have fought fear all of my life. I know how sheer, unadulterated terror can completely immobilize all feeling, thinking and action. If nothing else, I will do every last thing on this earth that I am afraid of SIMPLY so that I am absolutely certain that fear is not a causal factor for inaction in my life. Okay, so I won't jump out of a plane...that is just plain fucking stupid, but if I am challenged with my work, with my life, in any aspect of my existence, I am going to walk directly into the fire and do whatever it takes to get through it, learn and be a stronger better person as a result. And I am a far cry from where I want to be, but I don't believe that we are ever "there". There is no real destination, just a journey filled with meaning and a search for truth. I just want to be certain that I am conscious of every moment that I do have on this earth.

Shit, no wonder I am tired...I am exhausting myself just reading much to do, so little time...but I guess, as Hank says..."you can sleep when you die." Hmmmmm...I may have to think about that one.

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