Blogger Support.

Well, I finally figured out what Tania and MF do on the weekends. I, personally, am starting a support group for those of us with really fabulous blogs that Tania does not comment to. I'll keep everyone posted.

must see.

Just watched this...don't know what to say but it is something everyone, regardless of their views should see. Raises a lot of questions...and as we all know, sometimes the questions are more important than the answers...in this case, I would be curious to hear some answers as well.

FINALLY A F&#$73ING POST.

So last night I got a call from the BLOGGER POLICE. I had no idea such an entity exists, but, let me tell you....they do. I was reprimanded for not posting since Saturday. Yeah, that's right, Saturday. So here we are, on this lovely Tuesday morning...and finally, a post.

I am at the end of my quarter...lots of work...piling....up.....on....me....and I'm trying not to get buried. It's been a strange quarter...I think my work, once completed, will be better than any quarter thus far...but getting there is laborious. It seems like, here in the last 3 weeks, I have realized that I must make my work MY work. DUH. I know, I can be a bit ignorant. But I realize that is the only way for me to differentiate myself from any other designer/artist. I also realize that, in my heart, I am mostly an artist. That passion has to come through in my design work. It seriously has not since I've been at PC. I have been so resistant to expressing myself which is so NOT me in some ways and SO ME in others. There is always that struggle with me....but there has to be a gift in that. I haven't yet figured it out, but I know it's in there. All of this reinforces that, you can know something in your head, from your intellect, but it means nothing if it is not equally matched with an understanding of the heart. To truly KNOW something, it must resonate in both one's heart and mind.

Saturday in the City.

"Hey Red, what is the best thing about having a tapeworm?"

Anti-literacy.

So I get home from a run today only to walk in on the above image. My sweet beagle-dog, Red who, inadvertently, has a tapeworm which I am told, when it comes out will cure me from ever eating spaghetti again, decided he needed to EAT my book. Seriously people, what the f*&CFk?

Then there is my cat, Oliver...and we wonder why I get no work done. Unlike the folks at Apple who are recalling the battery in my new laptop, Oliver LOVES the heat put off by it and is completely unconcerned with the possibility that he and the rest of the household may die in a nasty electrical fire in the future. Life is never dull here on 4th street...I'll keep you posted on the latest activities of my book-eating-tapeworm-harboring beagle dog.

Whew.

Friday cannot come too quickly this week. Although we are closing in on the final days of this quarter and most of my projects are not even CLOSE to done, I am looking forward to some down time. This week, a 4 hour long conversation with a very significant person in my life helped to remind me of who I am...I hadn't forgotten, mind you...I just realized that I misplaced the most authentic part of me in the past year...only glimpsing myself momentarily from time to time. I am coming off of the "frozen Tundra" and it feels good to get back to me.

It is a gift to have people like that in your life...a gift I never want to take for granted...and, in the past year, I have. But everything in life has purpose. Everything we do brings us closer to becoming the person we are intended to become....we learn valuable lessons...painful lessons...and, hopefully, rise to the occassion of the struggle to become stronger, kinder and wiser.

As "cut-paper-poster" Sylvia says, "Enjoy the struggle...it's the best part." So true but DAMN it's hard work.

Anne Frank, Post Hank

So, after a talk with Hank I have decided to go all out with the Anne Frank book. It's going to be 16x20 and will really feature the artwork that I've done. I'm even more excited about it now than I was before. I woke up at 4:30am to finish up some work for Anne's class and have been working on my new book since then...it's 7am. Insanity. That is what this school does to you...it's a little nutty, but clearly, I love it.

My first instinct with the book was to go BIG with it...to really make it oversized. Somehow, I talked myself out of that thinking that it was impractical to create something that big. It's a diary, I said to myself...it SHOULD be small, personal. But this book is way beyond the ramblings of an angst ridden teen...it deserves more than that. I wanted to bring an EMOTIONAL quality to it, I wanted to bring life to this book, to the words of a young woman so FULL of life, hope and wisdom. The art I created brings a new energy to her words and I think the oversized format is the right way to frame both her words and my images.

I have a new link...located over there----> yeah, to your right...the one that says ANNE FRANK COLLAGES..if you want to see better images of the work I've done.

I have to continue to remind myself that I DIDN"T come to PC to do "safe" work...I came here to push myself to the edge, and then go a bit further...to take risks...and to trust MY instincts. Over and over, I continue to get this message. Trust what I know. These recent incidences of theft...that is about listening to my instincts...I didn't. My gut is almost ALWAYS right but I let my head out-think it a lot of the time. I tend to go with what makes "sense" versus what feels right. I imagine if I can seek out some sort of balance within this conundrum, things will become less difficult.

Happy Saturday.

Well, today I had a most fabulous day. I slept in until 9am...upon waking, drank some coffee and took my dogs for a walk. Then I got home and worked on my Anne Frank book for a while. I then decided that it was time for some new running shoes...and, in light of the fact that I got a new iPod Nano with my new computer, I thought, well I may as well go ahead and get all of the Nike-compatible gear that goes along with it. So I took myself to the mall...a story in and of itself...and bought some new shoes and an armband that my Nano goes into. For any of you out there that enjoy running and like to know different "stats" regarding your running workouts, this is the sweetest set-up ever.

First of all, you enter your weight and do some fancy calibration with the iPod, then you go for your run. This nice lady talks to you a few times during your workout to tell you how fast you are going and how long you've been gone and, at the end, it shows your distance, time, time per mile and calories burned. It is quite possibly the COOLEST thing I've encountered all week. I highly reccomend it. The best part of it is that I learned that I've been running about a mile longer than I thought I had been and my time is so much better than I thought it would be. I seriously thought I was running 10 minute miles...turns out I am running 8 minute miles (of course, being the person that I am, I am relatively convinced that there may be something wrong with either the chip in my shoe or my iPod since I don't think I'm really running that fast). I don't know what it is about new gear, but it always makes me feel re-excited to be active.

In addition to this, I have had a resurgence of creativity. I don't know where it's come from, but I have gotten into a serious groove with my work again...and I am really excited about where my projects are going. This is the first quarter I have really brought my "painterly" style into any of my projects...I'll post some more pics soon of the pieces I've done for my Anne Frank book and my personality conflict poster for Anne's class.

Anne Frank.

So for my type 3 class, I am doing "The Diary of Anne Frank." As my classmate (who will remain unnammed...though I will tell you this...she really likes soccer, lives really close to me and her name begins with "Aud" and ends with "rey.") asks me the other day "Another Jewish project, Mary?" Yes, it's true...another piece with a holocaust reference. I don't know why I am so transfixed on this event in history...I am not Jewish, don't have any Jewish friends, but am drawn to stories of good versus evil, the triumph of the human spirit, the resilience of spirit and faith. I think these are the places where we find meaning in life...it is proof of something beyond our existence as we understand it in our limited bodies through our limited senses may suggest. And this story is particularly compelling because the it is told through the lens of a very yong girl...but a girl with amazing faith, strength of character and desire to make sense of her world despite the horrific events of her time. She believes, unfailingly, that the world is good and the people in it are good...and there is no reason to believe this during her time on this earth. Her honesty, candidness, beauty and hope are the essence of what is amazing about what each and every one of us has the potential to express through who we are and what we do. I guess I got past my creative block...feedback?

Musings Mid-day on Wednesday.

"I guess I've always been very intense, but back then the intensity was sort of manifesting itself as anxiety....Because of all this intensity I became really introspective and trying to figure out the cause and the purpose and the resolution to all that anxiety."
-Rodney Smith, photographer

Well I can definitely relate to that concept. I think of all of the time I have spent in my young life searching...constantly trying to understand and figure out what my purpose is on this earth and then, when that becomes tiresome, trying to understand, analyze and interpret the meaning of life in general. I harbor many obsessive thoughts regarding these things...they keep me awake at night...I am constantly wondering, questioning, picking apart. It is nearly impossible for me to move smoothly and effortlessly into a place of acceptance unless I have come to a thorough understanding of the issue at hand. And the issues are never simple. They are never small. Because I do see the connections among so many seemingly unrelated things, my thinking becomes web-like and I end up caught in a web of my own making. It's madness, really. It makes things so difficult because nothing is ever easy. I envy people who can JUST do...that don't have to have a 3 day thinking session. I wonder if I will ever be like that...or would I want to? Are we ever really satisfied or do we spend our lives looking to greener pastures, forever wondering? I suppose that incessant wondering, wishing to be different is as dillusional as thinking that life will be great if:
I lose 10 pounds
I was 3 inches taller
I made more money
I lived in another city
I had a new car
I was blonde
I had bigger boobs
AND THE LIST GOES ON.
Perhaps, the purpose of life is to figure out how to make what we are given with regard to who we are WORK. Maybe it is simply about finding peace. About acceptance of our neuroses, quirkiness, obsessiveness, beauty, talent, stubborness. Maybe it is about letting go of the impulse to harm ourselves emotionally and allow others to harm us. I don't know...clearly, I am still trying to figure it out...

Blockage.

I often wonder if this creative process will become more fluid. It seems as though I am constantly getting blocked...always searching for the solutions, often going around and around in circles. I am stubborn and determined so I stay with it, but in many things in my life, success has not always come through a pit-bull like determination to hold on but rather in the letting go. Unclenching my fists and relaxing the grip of control has, more often than not, led me to the place of inspiration and creation.

I am SO not programmed that way. I like control.

I fear letting go because....then what? Sit and wait? Not me...sit and obsess...sit and wonder WHY I can't figure it out. Why I can't make it happen? And yet I have such an intellectual understanding of why this DOESN'T work...I really do, but with looming deadlines and that nasty search of perfection and "being the best" how does one simply stop. I suppose by simply stopping. By trying something new. By not sitting at one's computer, in one's apartment for days and hours on end beating the proverbial dead horse. Aarrrgghh. How I do loathe change sometimes.

Compressed Air.

So, my pal, Audrey and I have discovered the fun of the video function on her camera...and here is one of our more famous clips. I like to call it "What happens when compressed air and calligraphy meet." I can't explain the headwear....sometimes you just need to be fancy when you work.

Bad Week.

Well, this has definately been a shitty week. I'm over it. Totally, completely through with this week. It has sucked completely. Not only am I in more unnecessary debt but I am physcially and emotionally spent. Tapped. And to add to all of this joy, I have been dreaming of terrorists, not being able to breathe and being in dangerous areas where people carry guns trained on me. At least it is Friday...maybe the weekend will bring rest and a fresh perspective.

Mother F*(#$cker

My loving blogging pals, you are NOT going to believe this one...as if I have NOT had enough of my belongings stolen from me or damaged lately...today, after I had a lovely dinner with Audrey and her friend...I returned to my vehicle only to discover that SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY CAR AND STOLE MY FUCKING LAPTOP. Yes, that's right. My laptop. I had brought it to work with me and thought it was NOT a good idea to bring it into the restaurant as I didn't want to have any food or beverages spilled on it or in my bag...so I placed it underneath my backseat...passenger's side COMPLETELY UNDERNEATH THE SEAT SO NO ONE COULD SEE IT THROUGH MY TINTED WINDOWS. Someone, apparently, "jimmied" the lock with a screwdriver and broke into my car. Great. Now I cannot even lock my car doors. So, all in all, it has been a GREAT week. If anyone wishes to send cash donations, positive thoughts or cases of liquor, I would be greatly appreciative. I guess I should be glad that I am safe and alive and unharmed...it could be worse and I always have to remember this. There is a lesson in all of this...to TRUST my instincts, trust my feelings, trust my intuition...wow...there's a novel concept.

uniform behavior.

I realized recently that I am becoming someone who does the following things:

1. I am starting to wear a "uniform" in that I gravitate towards wearing a white shirt, jeans and some kind of pointy shoe or sandal everyday. I don't know how this has started and I don't do it everyday, but it is definitely becoming a noticeable trend in my dressing behavior.






















2. I am only willing to purchase white cars. This started 10 years ago when I got my first car. It was white. Since then, I've only driven white cars and I only will buy a white car. Black would be the ONLY exception...but I prefer white.

I guess the strange irony to this is that, in my work, I am drawn to very vibrant colors...warm hues, lots of contrast...it's strange. When I dress up, I wear more interesting clothes...but everyday wear is becoming very formulaic and uniform in nature. So what does this say about me? I don't know...

OH SHIT!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Seventh Level of Hell
Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

CRAZY WEEK.

My dear blogging compadres. I profusely apologize for being so slack in my blogging consistency this week. I promise to post something absolutely entertaining and riveting soon... Until then, I need some help with my project for Anne's class on the 7 deadly sins...Though I am intimately familiar with all of them, I am having a difficult time finding the "modern" voice through which to tell the story of the sins....a few ideas I had was to do: an exploration of the mullet haircut, gay stereotypes, different cocktails, recipies, love...I am virtually unlimited in how I interpret this project, but am stuck and need a fresh perspective to help get me thinking in a new direction....I welcome any and all ideas...no matter how off of the wall they may be.
I promise to return to my regularly scheduled blogging this weekend!!