Blockage.

I often wonder if this creative process will become more fluid. It seems as though I am constantly getting blocked...always searching for the solutions, often going around and around in circles. I am stubborn and determined so I stay with it, but in many things in my life, success has not always come through a pit-bull like determination to hold on but rather in the letting go. Unclenching my fists and relaxing the grip of control has, more often than not, led me to the place of inspiration and creation.

I am SO not programmed that way. I like control.

I fear letting go because....then what? Sit and wait? Not me...sit and obsess...sit and wonder WHY I can't figure it out. Why I can't make it happen? And yet I have such an intellectual understanding of why this DOESN'T work...I really do, but with looming deadlines and that nasty search of perfection and "being the best" how does one simply stop. I suppose by simply stopping. By trying something new. By not sitting at one's computer, in one's apartment for days and hours on end beating the proverbial dead horse. Aarrrgghh. How I do loathe change sometimes.